I often fantasized about the apocalypse happening and being the sole survivor. My favorite part was casually grabbing whatever I wanted from abandoned grocery stores and driving as fast as I wanted down freeways, which were of course miraculously free of abandoned cars.

I was one of those girls who was in love with Rochester and I can tell you exactly why. During my adolescence I wanted nothing more than for some tall dark man to kidnap me and take me to his gothic castle or especially his strange underground cavern (i.e. Phantom of the Opera) where I would never have to see the…

GOD MADE FLIPPER AND EVE, NOT FLIPPER AND STEVE!!!

Oh god I have to read this book every damn day to my toddler

What’s the criteria for the best stories? Because I feel that most of these stories are written like fictional stories and are obviously made up which makes them not that scary. Mine, on the other hand, was brief because it really happened, non of it was made up. And in my opinion, that makes it scarier than most of…

Also, that’s how you get Australia. 

But then you’ve got to get a snake to eat the mantis or the lizard, and then you’ve got to get a coyote or a mongoose to eat the snake, and the house is just going to become unlivable at a certain point.

A couple of weeks ago I called my husband while I was at work because I found a giant wolf spider in my kids toy bin that had been stalking me for days, but always eluded capture.

Outside spiders are good.  Inside spiders are evil.  

Is this administration just going out of their way to check off every one of the “domestic abuser” cliches?  “You made them get so angry they sent you bombs” is right up there with “its your fault I got so angry I hit you” defense.

Joel: Poor Debbie. She was sick. Wednesday: She wasn’t sick. She was sloppy.

Well then tell me how do you cut a person in 8 equal parts? Huh? Didn’t think so.

This reminds me of a quote attributed to Yogi Berra: “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”

That moth........ is fabulous.

Who the hell let Alex Jones out of the grays? Investigate? 

Was his home vandalized with bombs?

Countdown to the President of these United States of America denouncing this terroristic act.

GOP: Let’s immediately begin an investigation into Hillary Clinton sending a bomb to herself!

I would totally do this to my kids. I once convinced them if they walked under the dead deer at a steak house the ghost would follow them home.

About a year ago, I was dealing with the very tragic loss of my parents and distracting myself with Netflix and Tinder. Matched with a guy who had a shirtless mirror selfie - usually a hard pass for me, but he seemed sweet so I talked to him. I had hurt my back and was home in bed for 4-5 days and he said he was home…