definitely not feline, given visible claw marks. i’d say canine, retriever breed.

falling out of a taxi if i don’t put on my seatbelt

omg, i am at my parents’ RIGHT NOW. the only things keeping me alive are jezebel and mom’s dog.

they do! 2-gallon ziplocs

uniqlo has some cute clothes that are upf rated. i bought this one...

a pie!

nothing as adorable as that could ever be useless! so beautiful!

i have a really nice roasting pan that’s the size of a bathtub. i used it the one time i hosted thanksgiving. i’m keeping it in case i ever need to roast, say, a whole elephant. or in case i want to take a bath.

i heard a russian comic who said, of course you have freedom of speech in russia! but in america, you have freedom AFTER you speak, also.

i also happen to know to where you can get a good deal on a slightly used model. low mileage.

i wonder if huckabee watched this...

man’s search for meaning is one of the best books i’ve ever read. seriously, listen to jimmy on this one: man’s search for meaning by viktor frankl. you don’t even have to be in icu with a horrifying injury! but if you are, or if you have a loved one there, or if you’re in an existential crisis, READ IT. it’s a memoir…

lady grey is excellent, especially with meyer lemon! will have to try it iced...

ha! i totally know what you mean.

read the headline and thought, who sends a dying greeting card? is that like the cancer greeting cards tig notaro mentioned? “sorry to hear you’re dying”?

just saw “china: through the looking glass” at the met, and the galliano pieces are among the standouts.

saw this film yesterday, and by the end there was hissing in the theater when mitch appeared on screen.

that is a most excellent herkie! but look at those broken wrists in the background. tut tut

every cheerleading coach i ever had was a drill sergeant, but i only feared them.

nice lipstick, lizzie!