OK, who else immediately thought this was gonna be a Magary thinkpiece when it showed up in You May Also Like sidebar, but was relieved to see Jolie’s name instead?

Ball man is blue over blue balls.

Same here. My buddy and his wife are expecting their fifth this fall.

a plot to rob victims by seducing and drugging them with chloroform,

Comey should have done his testimony in haiku.

My current schedule has my Tuesday/Thursday evening workouts ending at 6:30 p.m. By the time I drive home, it’s close to 7 p.m. and I try to eat as soon as I am through the door.

Come now. It’s all in your head.

Fuck that Owl.

I dunno, I’m seeing more of an Odo from Star Trek DS9.

It was probably a Kentucky Waterfall, with delicate undertones of Achy Breaky Heart (rat tail in back).

Obligatory:

When I was in AFJROTC in high school, there was a facility about an hour away that Warthogs flew out of.

We all know Marchmann’s berry ranking would be:

I’m stunned by the doubting Thomas tone of your story, Patrick.

My one piece of advice for parents expecting their first child: find out where the nearest 24-hour pharmacy is near your home.

When it comes to greetings, just take the position of the McPoyle clan.

And Rob Thomas on the big screen in the back provides the ideal soundtrack for this gathering.

Yeah but at least they didn’t use “Walker’s Crisps: Perfect for when you’re just hanging around” with the Benoit ad.

Miata.

Wow, Sean Spicer’s been tanning.