This article is dumb as hell. Have you ever heard of Anna Wintour? Angelica Huston? No? Well, here are my bangs. Look how sad and childish I am!

“Bangs cut off your face, your wonderful, beautiful face, and make you look childlike and sad, all at the same time.”

Water? Like from the toilet?

The next time your co-worker does that, I say you should shake up a soda and open it up in his direction. Then discuss how “pop” is short for “soda-pop.” As in the soda that just popped all over them. That’s just me, though.

Even as a seven-year-old, I was so baffled at the drug lyceums my school would have where they claimed that drug dealers hang around the playground, give kids stickers with acid or LSD on them, and then the kids are hooked on drugs FOREVER! My allowance was $1 a week, I could not afford drugs. That’s just a horrible…

When I used to work at a grocery store, the register rang up Land O’Lakes Buttermilk as “LOL BUTT MILK” which is only tangentially related to this but I found it 10000% hilarious.

The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

I’d leave flowers on that grave even if you were a stranger.

I can be an asshole, even if it’s almost always by mistake.

Missed opportunity here. After the ambulance left, Dana should have asked the quartet, “Did you still want a pizza? Try praying for one. See how that works out for you.”

I’ve been told that you pray for hungry people by feeding them, pray for unclothed people by clothing them, pray for prisoners by visiting them, and pray for the sick and injured by getting them medical treatment. I’m not even a Christian, but that’s what they mean by “Faith without works is dead”.

And then expect us to take them seriously in a serious setting. Like, “what? oh well you were just fine watching her be all sweaty and crying in a bikini, but now you somehow don’t want to hear her expound upon the current socio-political landscape? OH, OKAY THEN, HYPOCRITES.”

Colleen was season one’s cute one, she got a rash on her legs.

Via the LA Times, a guy named Dylan Grosz with a disturbingly scientific mind and way too much time on his hands ordered 35 Chipotle burritos over the course of several days and then weighed each one back at his office.

Parking Hack!

No, I didn’t know there was one!

Gen X might be the absolute worst generation.

Wrong. It's definitely the rodeo contingent.

Yep. The only kid on the list I don’t instinctually distrust based on name alone.

I pray that Constandino beats the shit out of everyone else.