Seeing lots of “I’m a Yankees fan, but...” and “I hate the Red Sox, but...” on the internet tonight. Cool, man, you don’t want the human beings who arbitrarily wind up playing for teams in a different geographic location than you to literally die. Awesome, that’s very noble.

Joiner didn’t play in the NFL.

Florida (both the state and the footbaw program).

Urban Meyer’s football program was a super villain origin story.

Well, which is it young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if’n I freeze, I can’t rightly drop. And if’n I drop, I’ma gonna be in motion. 

Man, I love that movie. I think I watched it five times straight the first time I came across it and laughed hard every time, especially Ed’s lines, but that whole grocery store/robbery sequence always has me dyin. “Son, you got a panty on your head.”

Fantastic!  Reminded me of Holly Hunter in “Raising Arizona”....”I...LOVE....HIM...SO.....MUCH.....”

This is why it’s best to just kidnap your heroes and keep them locked in your basement. After a couple of weeks of them stewing in their own shit they don’t look nearly as impressive and you can really relax and just be yourself around them.

Harlequin wrap.

There it is. 

Found the guy fucking with Korey’s car.

Have you ever met a soldier or veteran? Every one I know is exactly as miserable and petty as lifelong civilians.

Get the car wrapped in neon orange. Never de-escalate.

Usually I at least try to make it through the Dead Letters columns. Today, though, I had to go in to pay for gas because the card reader at the pump wasn’t working. In the line in front of me were two of New Hampshire’s finest sons, buying a case of beer (at 8:50 A.M., mind you), one of whom said to the other. “This…

“Please do a solid favor and go do something which is anatomically impossible”

Holy shit...I’m stunned at how many Deadspin readers are in the pocket of BIG ALIEN! 

Also “just trying to keep the doors open until the IPO/ Sale” isn’t an actual business it’s a gruff