Questioning my life, and why I already knew Pauly had a pierced penis.

I met my fiancé on okcupid too! It’s a fun site.

You don’t seem angry, I think you should be angry. You kinda sound like if he called you and was all “baby baby baby” at you and “left his wife” you’d take him and girl, that’s not a good place to be. Maybe he’s doing you a favor by blocking you, no contact with this manipulative fucker is definitely the way to go.…

I’m getting married in 56 days to a man I met on OkCupid. I slogged through some awful guys to find him, but it was worth it.

Hey Jezzies— Talk to me about online dating. Any success stories? Horror stories? Tips? Is it something worth trying?

My 5-year-old nephew took my phone and, when he thought he was alone, shot and narrated a house tour featuring everything shorter than three feet. “Look at these nice steps...this is tile...and a very nice doorknob...”

So somewhere between 2.5 and 7 is the age at which they’re going to realize we’re obsolete. Nope, actually that is not comforting at all ...

Yoko, between the ages of 14 and 17 I loved myself multiple times a day, every day and the world was still kinda shitty

Orphanage would’ve been amazing. Well, amazing in theory, but probably executed horribly and would’ve included some weird subplot involving dinosaurs or the Chupacabra.

Murphy: “Let’s pull 12 ideas out of a hat and turn that into a plot line. Okay what do we got?”

Yeah, same with Scream Queens. Would have been much better as a miniseries.

AHS’s problem is that I think they start a season without any clue as to how they plan to end it.

I want to go on a much needed boat trip. I love smoking and drinking and hanging out in my bathing suit and I’m not even that horrible to be around. Maybe Lindsey will invite me next time.

Unrelated: I’m gonna start hiding Ghostface in the background of pics just to troll ToddlerNom years from now.

I genuinely miss this show.

So, Sammi and Ronnie done, and not Done-Done

“He said Dada today, three times!”

Celebs like to get bespoke designer cracks in their phone screens. I’m betting Taylor’s screen was specially cracked by Gucci or some shit.

Some of us live alone and don't want to make a lot of coffee or French press stuff because we are lazy. Don't judge me.