Here is a better one. “Get in your car-> Drive to McDonald’s-> Say I want french fries with no salt-> They will make a fresh batch just for you.....then put salt on it.” THE MORE YOU KNOW!!!

If you ever see a man in your kitchen cutting pizza with scissors immediately divorce your husband..... even if it is not him. Just remember, he either cut the pizza, or he let someone else in your home cut the pizza with scissors. That is wrong. Deal Breaker!

The K Co. have to keep the drama up to get free screen time. News! News! Read all about it a Kardsahian Got Naked/ Took a Pic/ Cut Their Hair/ Is dating someone/ Broke up with someone/ Had plastic surgery/ Got Married/ Got Divorced/ or Had a baby! You can read all about it in today’s issue of Gawker! On news stands…

You look at this guy and tell me he is sane. He has the Baby Huey eyes.

The next morning somewhere in Utah an entire family was found in what appeared to be a murder suicide. The police said there was no note, but the television was still on and tuned to the local ABC affiliate. No word on it yet, but when their neighbors were interviewed they claimed that the family seemed very happy the…

Wow, someone out there really is going to keep a porno mustache until it comes back into style. You bring that mustache back into style!

Conspiracy theory. The Kardashians had him killed. He was the only man in America ... NO, THE WORLD that could stop them. Now he is no more.

Just take it off campus. Take your club and fund it yourselves and hold meetings at places off campus. First amendment gives you right to free speech and freedom of assembly. You don’t have to follow their rules.

HOAX I call BS.

Orlando Bloom looks a little more like Charlie Sheen every day. Also....Selena what you doing with Papaw Bloom?

All you gotta say is:“We’re gonna open up all them mines and bring all your boys back to work in ‘em!” An most of West Virginia is going to side with you. Follow that up with an “Awe, man I love Jesus.” and a “I got a hankering for some brown beans and corn bread.” And they will drive you to their homes to cook dinner…

REHASHED!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE DISCLAIMER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE ARTICLE!!!! REHASHED REHASHED REHASHED!!!

Here is another awesome hack on how you can improve your hummus with yogurt. Take a tub o hummus. Take one container of greek yogurt. Place the container of greek yogurt in garbage can. Then eat hummus with anything else. See I fixed it for you!

One could even say he “groomed her.”

Those are real live human women sealed in plastic bags like objects. This is literally the objectification of women. Where are the torches and pitchforks. Jobs should be lost.

Alternate article title: Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom Schlep tamagotchi’s!

Kris Jenner totally arraigned this. It is Sunday at Dinner and she is like “hey we haven’t met our quota this week for free publicity on TV and the internet. Have any of you got a naked photo, or a sex tape or can one of you do some drugs or something?

Wow, First the handshake now falling off the stage. I am going to vote for these people for shear comedic value! The world may end.....but we’ll go out laughing.

This was all orchestrated to boost ratings. Michael Strahan has subbed at least 20 times on GMA, and it is in the same building as Live. Many times Robin Roberts has subbed for him, they even walked from one studio to the other together to transition from one show to the other together. ABC is learning from E!.

You sir forgot your knife? How can you _____ without a knife? Knife, knife, knife!