I’m dying... That is marvelous. Didn’t a college in Colorado name their cafeteria after Alferd Packer, notorious cannibal?

Jesus, I’m sorry. I wonder if thinking like this is a way to find someone to blame bc the alternative - that the universe is a random, chaotic place and we have only the illusion of control over our existence - is too much for them to handle. These assholes comfort themselves by looking at another’s tragedy and…

Right?! Instead I finally found a therapist I bonded with and went for years. I’d love to run into him again and tell him off. At the time I was too depressed to argue. The idea that I even subconsciously wanted to do that to myself is horrendous. There’s a smugness to telling others they’ve brought illness on…

Exactly. I also picture the alternative scenario, where EVERY player brings their kid(s) to the clubhouse for 75% of the season, and the chaos that would ensue. After all, if LaRoche can do it, why can’t everyone? I think even he would be annoyed by that.

I used to know a dude years ago who was way into Kabbalah and meditation. He told me my deep depression and suicide attempts were all my fault bc I was wishing the negative energy of the universe onto myself and deep down I wanted to be sick and dying. “If you wanted to feel good, you would!” Fuck that guy.

See, and that’s one of the most interesting parts to me. I already didn’t think DH had much of a case, but with Sterling giving bad reviews to games without even knowing they were DH product - which, as an aside, could point to bad faith on DH’s part since they were trying to hide their corporate identity, although…

I feel your pain. I am the world’s sweatiest woman; I inherited it from my sweatball dad. At least I don’t smell bad? I think. Someone tell me if I smell bad.

Honestly, until I scrolled down I did too. I pictured the agent closing the deal while wearing Groucho glasses and squirting Howard with a fake rose on his lapel.

Thank you. Everyone’s obsessed with filing out a bracket at my job too, and I can guarantee the person who will actually win needs the money the least (bc it’s the boss sitting around thinking all day about the goddamn bracket while the rest of us do his job).

Bravissimo!

And here I’ve been banking on Daddy Cruz’ prophecy for his son to come true and bring about them blessed End Times!!! I might be waiting a little longer, unless his vision included Trump too and he just forgot to mention it.

Make no mistake, this shitstain moved halfway across the country precisely to see those pews fill up... He’s remade himself in a more “wholesome” image and is banking on drawing on new people who aren’t wise to his grift. Really the only question is how long this church will last before it implodes too, I reckon.

That’s Tatum O’Neal! She won an Oscar for that role, in Paper Moon.

I came here to say this! What a fascinating article.

I saw Lisa Frank notepads at Dollar Tree on Monday! I thought they were knockoffs at first, but they were branded. It really took me back.

Or, as a commenter said in today’s Deadspin article about Goose Gossage’s old man rants - to my delight - “Cams Newton, not Cam Newtons."

I laughed until I coughed. Thank you.

Can’t wait to see what incomprehensible dog-whistle gibberish they pound out on their phones someday!

I’m kind of impressed he banged out that whole screed on an iPhone. I would’ve gotten annoyed at autocorrect and given up three sentences in, then taken stock of my life and realized I have actual problems to focus on. Maybe that’s just me.

OK I’m horrendously late to this comment but I can’t stop laughing