Everything about this is sad and weird and entirely bananas.

This seems less a race to be elected president and more a race to be elected king of the dipshits.

I should probably admit right now that I am fat myself. I’m barely 5′1″ and 135 pounds and wear a size 6 and a 34DD

Who the fuck am I kidding, the quality doesn’t need to be high at all.

This sums up my thoughts on the matter.

Tech updates that aren’t about the immediate availability of low-cost, high-quality sex bots are useless.

Well. It was my birthday on Friday, and I got a total of 3 cards. None from my mum. Not even one from my daughter or husband. Clearly I am very unloved. Thanks for rubbing it in, Wiz.

That is way more than I ever wanted to consider about her sex life, but I love your dedication.

Janelle Monae is apparently joining the Resistance in Star Wars and Gwendoline Christie looks really excited to play with herself.

I feel like he’s trying really hard to tweet his way to my heart and I need to be wary of him, like he is advertising himself to me. Im not buying what you're selling me Ryan Reynolds.

What’s going on with Kevin Connolly’s giant deformed elbow? What are we looking at here?

I like when you see a photo of a ‘celebrity’ at Burning Man that confirms your opinions of both that ‘celebrity’ and Burning Man.

A white knight? He gives me that vibe.

He definitely has a whiff of unquenchable, well-concealed thirst to him.

Nah, they don’t really fuck with black people.

Years ago some mouth breather came up with the bumper sticker “Would the last English speaker to leave Miami please bring the flag”. It’s amazing that year after year, people like Sarah cling to such divisive bullshit.

I think Tay said it best herself.

Fuck yeah!