"How much do you want to bet that Steven has never had to work hard at a job in his life and that he came from a privileged background?"

The original draft of this — before I was persuaded by someone wiser than I not to make this personal — contained similar sentiments.

I feel like Fox News only hires pretty blonde women and people who were already famous for being douchebags. I feel like Steven's future includes decades of $15,000/year writing for RedState.com.

Ooh, me next!

This reads like a cover letter to a job application for Fox News.

I'm just going to guess that there is very, very little risk Steven will impregnate a woman at "some college party" any time soon.

How much do you want to bet that Steven has never had to work hard at a job in his life and that he came from a privileged background?

I want Joe Biden to be my dad and give me inspiring talks straight out of a '90s family sitcom.

And to prove that sports is a zero-sum game, the NCAA has just lifted the Penn State sanctions.

Baltimore has a serious Rays problem.

If you're conflicted about actually having a moment of good will towards the Ravens, don't worry - their most beloved player in team history did still kill two people.

More like six months.

So when is Roger Goodell getting released?

What's the line on how long it takes Jerry Jones to get him on the phone? 3 minutes?

Holy crap, I didn't think they'd actually do it.

What we have learned today is that these morons cannot be in front of a camera for longer than 50 seconds without saying something monumentally stupid.

Hey guys you know what would make a great solution to this problem?

I have noticed a distinct quiet on the western front from those here (mostly gray-zone folks) who a few weeks ago were saying Rice should skate because his woman attacked him viciously with a full- on physical assault, that his self-defense did not count as domestic violence and people aghast at this made a mountain…

How about "disastrophe?"

I also like "catastrofuck."