Duke sucks but Michigan State's entire sports program should have been melted down after the Nassar coverup. 

Trump marveled at the size of Russian captain Alex Ovechkin’s hands

Sure a high end escort is better. But sometimes getting a nasty rub and tug from a middle aged Thai “masseuse” in a run down strip mall has it’s own charms.

If one is a billionaire, wouldn’t one get a top floor suite in Vegas and order an escort to his (or her) room through a legal, reputable and secure source? A service that is known to the highest elites. This is so strange. It’s no wonder Kraft and Trump are similar. They don’t know how to do anything properly and they…

“I couldn’t get it up in the air... so I’m not used to that. Just went a little numb” 

“Fixed that for you.” — Ralph Northam

Paying with cash and he used his legal name?  Rookie move.

The frightening thing is that the idea that better off people deserve to be paid more because it’s what they’re used to really is how these assholes think. 

Obama’s simulator didn’t feature a virtual Ben Roethlisberger to walk your mistress back to her hotel room.

Counterpoint: this is better than literally anything else he would potentially otherwise be doing. Let’s just load Pebble Beach and see him in two years.

Hey, I realize this is pedantic, so I apologize for that in advance.

Wait - Bowser is mayor of DC? Somebody check the mayor’s office for kidnapped princesses! But watch out for fireballs and flying hammers.

Yes, sports history should be taught in schools, and here is lesson #1: from 1976-1988, the New England Patriots went 113-83 and made the playoffs 5x, including a Super Bowl appearance, with only one losing season. In 1993, Parcells and Bledsoe arrived and it’s been clear sailing for the next 25 years.

Not take cheap shots at skill players behind the play?

Does drinking Goldschlager in college count?

I kind of love the idea of the Warriors just capping off this current iteration with the most dominant team ever, before all the pieces scatter to the wind. With their all-NBA players separated, people will again remember their incredible individual talent, while realizing how truly insane it was to see them all play…

It’s just like the beginning of Good Will Hunting, except none of them are geniuses and it’s entirely their fault. 

Motherfucker, we didn’t elect him. Blame the rest of the dumbass country for this, it wasn’t our fault.

Weird, I would assume that most cable-cutters own HD antennas, but maybe not (I do)?