The greatest baseball announcer that ever lived. Not the least because none of his children became terrible sports announcers in an attempt to ruin his legacy.

I think his greatest legacy is that he was such a great role model to children. He taught an entire generation to love and appreciate the healthy taste of Honey Nut Cheerios.

Ted Cruz combines the charisma of a mortician with the political savvy of the kid who wears a suit while running for high school class president.

Finally, the coveted lipless weirdo demographic.

He’s not at all bothered by this. Now he can devote more time to his start up video game company.

Showed him no MRSA

Gotta love how Cohn took over the room by repeatedly insisting that Kaepernick took over the room.

“I don’t spend my free time watching the NFL, just clicking on, reading, and commenting on a sports blog’s articles about not watching the NFL.”

The Bears are the Bills with less fun tailgating.

Yeah that's cool and all but the real story in Fargo is that Alexis Texas is performing st the strip club tonight

Few classes of people in this world are as batshittedly convinced of their own influence and importance than college newspapers nerds and jesus fuck I miss that world so goddamn much I’m 32 and my DEEP AND IMPORTANT COLLEGE NEWSPAPER EXPERIENCE made me a legal editor in a hidden kingdom of batshit crazy conservative…

I did that all the time as a little-leaguer. Then one day, for whatever reason, I got my hands on a bag of seeds with particularly hardy shells. They traversed my innards unscathed and I ended up passing a bat wrapped in barbed wire. I’m a pumpkin seed guy now.

This is fucking flagrant disrespect by the NCAA toward our National Anthem. The NCAA hasn’t just canceled these events in North Carolina, they’ve canceled the playing of the National Anthem at these events in North Carolina as well. I’m not a member of the military but that is insanely hurtful to the many members of…

Or an education.

Hey man, if you had the Bears pegged for more than 6 wins, that’s on you.

I think their strategy (inasmuch as you can call it one) is not too bad for low-revenue teams:

Punk had.. (wait for it)... NO CHANCE IN HELL!

if the Daily Show has taught me anything it’s that replacing a middle-aged man with someone named Trevor is going to be a disaster.

fixed the team statement for you guys...

Remember Marion Barber and Julius Jones?