The western New York crack epidemic is really getting out of control...

“Just sign ‘em! Sign’em all! We’ll sort out the money later. EVERYONE should be a Saint for as long as they can! I’m gonna sign more Saints than every previous GM in the history of the team, combined.”

- Pope John Paul II’s Ghost, Interim New Orleans GM

“All of these kids don’t know what it’s like to cling to something that’s been gifted to them on the underside of a much more competent platter and to ride that miracle all the way to the top. These days they want to protest, even kneel down on the maiden voyage. Let me tell you something - I’ve been carried to some…

The two of them plan to watch what they eat, together

It is. Just odd with the gas masked scimitar-and-machine-gun-wielding Hitler guy mural with the rainbow and all the dead kids. Also something about an Illuminati bunker and Prince Harry conspiracy?

Dude, I just got back from Denver. What the fuck is up with that airport?

This is a radioactive take.

It occurs to me that they might be a better team if they didn’t spend all of their recruitment time on players named Army. Seems like a statistically small pool to draw from.

Drew, for real, please bring Emmitt back. Seriously, it made me laugh out loud every single week. This isn’t a joke or snark or irony. I am being completely earnest (on the internet even) about really wanting you to resurrect Emmitt. Please.

Wicked ‘Wiches is a good name for a sandwich shop.

Dude your sourdough placement is way low. Fresh sourdough is the shit.

Am I the only one who thinks the Finnish “not!” joke is the most important part of this story?

Wherever Chief Zee is now, at least it ain’t Philadelphia.

Question for one of the dozen or so lawyers on here: being Canadian and also kind of dumb, I’m not clear on something. I thought the Fifth Amendment could only be asserted when the answer would incriminate the witness? How is he able to get away with not identifying himself? Shouldn’t a judge be instructing him to…

Same. Live in kindergarten. The explosion looked like a rabbit, I remember thinking.

Challenger. Was in kindergarten watching live. I remember thinking that the explosion looked like a rabbit.

He did and should be listed (I didn’t notice he wasn’t). But Sanchez should have as well. They should both be there.

Aaron Sanchez?

Can I nominate me? I’m the best Bills fan. Me.

I just want to point out that as of this past season this sentence still makes absolutely perfect sense except in reverse.