Little background: so when I was growing up, my mom always told my sister and I this story about a kid on her street when she was growing up who lost both of his hands in a firework incident. Not sure if this was true or if she was just trying to scare us into safety, but either way I went my whole childhood without…

Kind of an unintentional dick story, but memorable.

When I was in high school, a guy tried to rob me when I was working overnight at a grocery store and I broke his nose with a pepperoni stick.

The last thing I’ve tweeted: “what if air bud was just a Big Worm? Imagine that. A big worm playing sports. Ha ha”