i enjoy seeing tom cruise get shot in the head repeatedly as much as anyone else but i’m still confused how that horrible movie made this list.

i like the implication that the nfl matters. 

you motherfuckers better do the maid-rite.

not unless you hate your relatives. and if you do hate your relatives you’re missing a real opportunity to suggest everyone bring something and then make them feel like shit for not being as good at cooking as you.

irregardless of how many times they recall it, romaine remains a joke of a green. if you buy romaine and talk shit on iceberg you’re a goddamn hypocrite. 

i saw the headline and clicked to get angry. thank you, salty.

what is this, sunset magazine?

i know there are bigger issues here, but look at how theses assholes sit on couches. save some cash, get these idiots three buckets and turn them upside down.

hit me with that shacksbury.

are the troops walking from omaha, nebraska so they arrive at a similar time?

so basically the survey was, “name a book.”

i once sold two stoners a growler each of barley wine in about january. their plan was to keep them in the basement until (i swear to fucking god) burning man. they were very focused on keeping them in the basement because of the UV rays. no matter what i said, they couldn’t be convinced it wasn’t an amazing life…

more people should be making fun of his jerry seinfeld shoes.

NOTHING ABOUT THE RED SOX MATTERS. TELL ME ABOUT HOW HOUSTON ISN’T A DYNASTY. I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THEY AREN’T A DYNASTY BY THE END OF THE DAY.

it’s a dumb question and your bartender thinks you are dumb. but you aren’t dumb so you should just stop asking that question. adapt. evolve. you can do this. you’re smart.

it may not say he’s gonna get primaried, but he says he’d lose and trump said he’d lose if he did, so...close enough?

i fucking hate it when people say, “surprise me!”

i’ve thought about this comment for a few hours and in no way shape or form can i make any sense of it.

i got a margarita in one of those last year and it spilled all over my fucking shorts. if they reinvent the wheel though, i’ll give it a shot.

i had no idea this was a chain. i thought it was named after a beloved great falls man whose mass was mostly fried cheese curd farts. i’m pretty sure their motto is “good food. good sports.” which has never not made me laugh.