I had this idea a few weeks ago when I heard about a Texas school that changed their name from Lee High School to LEE High School so they wouldn’t need new signs. Let’s just say that the Robert E Lee statues are actually Christopher Lee. Everyone loves Christopher Lee.

That’s MY Bush!

You’re an american hero Evil Lincoln

I am with the petitioners who (this actually happened) wrote the governor of Louisiana and requested that the state replace all of its Confederate statues with statues of Britney Spears.

Nathan Bedford Forrest? No, sorry, that statue is beloved actor Tom Hanks!

They don’t call me Springfield Fats just because I’m morbidly obese.

Tell you what, since no one can make statues that look like their supposed subjects anymore, let’s just repurpose all those old Confederate statues as modern celebrities. That way, they’re celebrating something not racist, and they’re about as physically accurate as anything else. Plus, in 100 years, who’ll remember…

That abomination should be hanging from a tree while kids swing at it. Same for the statue of it.

Alternatively, you might buy that special cancer patient in your life some Happy Socks. I hear they’re 30% off at the moment, with free shipping if you use the code SOCKS2017.

The main problem with this mirror is how dangerous it is. I looked in one with a friend. His reflection showed up. Mine didn’t. Naturally, I concluded that I was a vampire who had to feed on human blood to survive. Which I then did. Thanks for killing my friend, you dumb mirror!

To be blunt, if your friend doesn’t have a toaster, they’re not really much of a friend.

He’s a nightmarishly creepy looking dude who gave bad cheese tips and looks like Kid Rock. No combination of him is ok. I think I only know his name from a Family Guy skit, or else it’s just one of those weird things that lodged itself in my brain as a kid.

What will happen with his chain of pizza delivery restaurants?

RIP. When your nickname is “Fats” and you make it to 89, you’ve done pretty well.

Sexual assault is inexcusable.

What about Joey Chicago who fought under the name Kid Minneapolis? He once had a fight in Cincinnati.

Look at his respect for the flag.

I’m sure he’s taken a few shits that are more objectively creative that this stunt. But intentionally? Yeah, this is his Sgt Pepper.

Whoah...he’s Timer, the “hanker for a hunka cheese” guy!