Yeah but this was in DC

People with that kind of money often have rooms no one walks in.

Ewoks are awesome and fuck you if you say otherwise.

I was kind of hoping ticket system meant you were implementing a fine.

I was at my friends house the other day and I kept asking her baby what she was bitching about when she cried.

The face I just made does not come in emoji form.

I would gift one of those to every friend I have who has a toddler.

I can’t believe there’s something out there that’s worse than ranch on pizza, but then I read about the jelly.

I'm sure she has lovely qualities and all that but I read your comment and now I hate her.

The smell is less awful than cigarettes but it's your house and your right to ask.

Some companies do free sample, which might get her started

Laugh all y’all want but I’d rather be around the mild smell of vapor than the stench off a cigarette.

Did Jesus go to dental school? Because I don't care how holy he is, if he doesn't have the credentials he can keep his hands the fuck out of my mouth.

I have a masters degree in journalism, and I just can’t do this. I can’t be a reporter because I just can’t be the person who chases people down on the worst day of their life.

Um, no. Kid free weddings are a perfectly acceptable (and in my case preferable) thing.

Uncool to be a no show at the last minute, sure, but at least she had the good sense not to bring her kids without permission.

That doesn’t make suspension OK. They could have a demerit system or something where you get detention (NOT suspension, because dress codes are not a valid reason to make a kid miss class) after a set number, but this is ridiculous.