My normal advice would be: go to Craigslist. Type “Camry” (or Accord/Civic). Buy the newest one you can for $5000.

I think the “2000 Hyundai Accent” part answers your “why not”

I haven’t seen a schoolboy feud this ugly since Gene shook Finny out of that tree. 

“Deadspin has reached out to Mike Litoris for additional comment but he couldn’t be found.” 

I feel like that’s a little less true in Trumps America

I say crack pipe, if only because at $13,900, you’re paying about 9 grand for an engine. Yeah, the interior is nice for the miles, but old CTS’s with the 6 can be had for $5,000 any day of the week and that’s because all that other stuff that surrounds the engine - you know, like the plastics, suspension, and…

“Filed to: WOODERGATE”
Here I lay, slain.

I am not sure about Bryan Colangelo’s last two phone digits. However, I can confirm that Jenny Colangelo’s digits are *****09. Unless she changed it, which I begged her not to.

All I can see is XJS... but one in the image has lights on and moving... so it can’t be

It’s frightening how you can replace “Incognito” with “Trump” in that report and it still makes perfect sense…

A Kia Soul! (Pronounced “Kia Soul Exclaim”) comes with a 200 hp turbo engine, dual clutch transmission, is available in Inferno Red, gets decent MPG, is reliable, and can be had with a moonroof, for $28,000.

The kind of dull, boring consumers who do research before they make $40,000+ purchases, rather than responding viscerally to a series of exciting teevee ads.

“Dad? I thought you were dead.”

First you say he’s too good for the minor leagues, then you say he should be playing for the Blue Jays. Which is it?

But it’s a twofer. Creepy and misogynistic at the same time.

Good because soccer isn’t boring enough, I’m going to watch a documentary about Soccer so I can just slip into a nice, relaxing coma.

Tottenham Bonespur

May 2019 - “Beitar Trump Jerusalem announces that they have declared bankruptcy.”

Minivans are the cargo shorts of cars. They fit everyone with plenty of room to spare, they can carry all your stuff, they’re comfortable, and they open in cool ways.

WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT SAD TRUMPETS? Where is this movie poster for Fire Walk With Me and where the fuck can I get it?