Border Patrol's gonna have a field day tearing apart the Zamboni

The fact that this is 2015 and people still make decisions based on fairy tales and prose is the true tragedy here.

If it weren't for that pesky geography, they'd prefer to travel by boat

I can't count. But you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot.

How the fuck is it Andre's fault that the Texans couldn't provide him and the team with any competent quarterbacking outside of the few years of Schaub before he started throwing pick-sixes galore?

RvP is left footed....haha

"Drivers, estarte your engines" probably broke the whole damn thing.

Enhance. Enhance. Enhance. Just print the damn thing!

It's definitely "HOW 'BOUT A LIGHT" before he tosses that flare, and Fireball explodes with the energy of Little Boy.

As much as I love Arnold and this movie, I'm reading the book right now and it paints a much darker, grimmer world. And damn if we're not headed that way in reality.

It's probably the most worthy thing he'll get, as he'll know now what days are free to do better thing with his life.
/meet the Mets, greet the Mets, cry, get sad, and beat the Mets

The Gus experiment in soccer was a disaster. Good riddance, I say.

OH, OH AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/Vitale is a windbag, like Gus Johnson. They offer little or no substance, and just yell to synthetically create atmosphere.

GIVE US DETOX!

In comes the Cunt Punt team.

Psst. 8 karat diamond.

"Kobe, tell me how my bass taste!" - what should happen after winning championships, going fishing, and shooting the shit.

It is an "upper body injury" - Pittsburgh Steelers doctor

Your wife and kids don't read this. It's the proudest moment of your life, isn't it?

Dan's mom is...
(a) Kayla Synz
(b) Darryl Hannah
(c) India Summer

???