I'm guessing they're trying to avoid this:

He had Ice Cube coin a song for him. That sweet swing. A web gem what seemed like every night. Who didn't want to be Junior as a kid back in the 90's?

or in an alternate universe:
Grossman: WHICH DO I CHOOSE?
Grossman: [sees Bernard Berrian in triple coverage on a fly route]
Grossman: [closes eyes]
Grossman: FUCK IT I'M GOING DEEP
Grossman: [intercepted]

Not to mention that the 1st amendment protects your speech from government censorship and/or prosecution. Liverpool/Anfield/Fenway Group are not the government.

"I already know that the best handjob he'll ever get is the one he gives himself"

I just don't get that part I guess. I've never sat there after having received one and said "You know what would have made that great? No hot girl looking me in the eyes, talking dirty, and instead me sitting in a chair in front of the…

I never understood this. You have a hot, willing woman to play with your dongle and yet somehow that is not better than you having to go solo? Is it not as good as a beej? No. But are they satisfying, if done correctly? I'd say yes.