Well, someone has to Stick to Sports™ around here.

I got nothing. Glad this guy is having fun.

Just be honest about your interest in an item. The wife and I told our server that we really liked the bar’s etched beer glasses and jokingly said it’d be a shame if they disappeared (we were legit joking). At the end of our meal our server had two of them wrapped up in a to-go bag for us and said she’d “dropped…

And this is what the Republicans want you to think.

How very [insert dystopian novel] of her.

If they are selling you 16 oz of steak at any professional sporting event, much less the Super Bowl, for only $32 then you should question if it is actually cow.

If my math is right, she published her first novel at age 41. It’s nice to remember sometimes that you don’t always need to have your career all figured out in your 20s.

The cause of death is believed to be natural, but a private investigator hired by a concerned, anonymous person believes there may be more to, which involves many family members, as well as a beloved, if eccentric, nurse caregiver.  

Down here in Antarctica we have a game called “eat all the penguins” because I’m a leopard seal

Out here in Colorado we play a game after every snow storm: It’s called Find the Jeep Driver in the Ditch.

THANK YOU FRIEND I HAVE BEEN SCREAMING FOR 2 HOURS NOW.

I’m the furthest thing from religious, but I don’t really understand why they apologized....isn’t religion all about believing stupid shit like this?

Mistakes happen. I don’t understand why restaurants compound them by saying it will be a minute when it’s going to end up being 20 or 30 minutes. Admit the mistake and ask the customer if they would prefer to get it later or if you get them a substitute you can serve faster, or maybe offer a free dessert.

We’re not allowed to give A-pluses. (But A-plus.) 

An A? Just an A? If there was ever a time to pull out the A+, this was it. This will go down as one of the best series finales ever.

I try not to prejudge a suspect in crimes like this, and wait to hear all the evidence and then decide. Trump said he’s innocent...so that means he’s guilty as fuck, as everything he says is a damn lie.

I’m completely innocent, but I refuse to give you the one thing that could prove without a shadow of a doubt that I’m innocent, because I say I’m innocent, and so does my shiesty lawyer friend.

Trump can follow Rodney Dangerfield’s strategy: “My doctor was giving me a physical and said, ‘I want a urine sample, stool sample and semen sample.’ So I left my underwear and went home.”

Does Stormy Daniels have some? She gotta have some. *shudder* But seriously, Stormy; do the right thing.