What is the size and weight of these fucking batteries you needlessly alarmist pinhead dick sniffers?

These lights are wonderful. My cousin Eugene was in a coma for three years. We got him a Philips wake up light for his third comaversary and the next morning he woke up for the first time in years (3). He got up, took a leak, and went back to sleep. What an asshole.

These lights are wonderful. My cousin Eugene was in a coma for three years. We got him a Philips wake up light for…

This is a courtesy reply. I have read your comment. I’m sorry, but it’s silly. Regrettably, I’m disinclined to discuss this at length, so please don’t reply to my reply

Yeah. So What? What’s your point? You babble on for a really long post without defining what you are trying to say. Am I supposed to read your mind?

Holy Fucking Sizzle Dicks! I’m so chuffed I could almost Poop My Pants! A GIF Slideshow in the header. How exciting is that? Especially a GIF slideshow that changes images too fast to actually see the item clearly but too slow to be a subliminal ad, so it’s optimum ineptitude. Glad to see the Kinja programming…

Holy Fucking Sizzle Dicks! I’m so chuffed I could almost Poop My Pants! A GIF Slideshow in the header. How exciting…

You probably don’t get it because you are too old.

Those flippety-floppety trouser things are not shorts by any sane definition. They should be called ‘longs’ and are an abomination in the eyes of The Deity.

This is mostly a steaming load of shit. A big heaping serving of Lifehacker tripe.

Frankly, you can never be too careful. Imagine trying to cook a steak without an Anova. The mind boggles. Where do you even start a fire — In the sink, or a wastebasket?

Frankly, you can never be too careful. Imagine trying to cook a steak without an Anova. The mind boggles. Where do…

Fucking kids can be annoying, their parents even more so, and I’m a big fan of direct and forceful language to communicate displeasure. No pussyfooting for me, n0sirree.

“Hallo, dis is professional basketball team office speaking.”

Ash nazg Philips Norelco OneBlade agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

Ash nazg Philips Norelco OneBlade agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

Include an amusing slice of life anecdote. Like how your mom spied on the Driver Test being administered so that she could make sure you would pass on the second try. The fake nose she always carries with her really sells this bit. It’s surefire.

Sure, this sounds pretty bad. But what about those emails?

married to a rapist

Fuck off Boddiger with this bullshit. Are you a Maggs Habers fanboi or a Gizzbag Media Hillary hater? Thanks for President Trump...pinhead.

Go easy on Whitney. I think she’s an intern or something. Isn’t she still in high school or something, and just doing this part time?

I know - dat music was horrid? Bluegrass, western swing, country, folk, gospel, jazz ... that’s some godawful stuff. Who the hell listens to that? Molesters, sexual harassers, Woody Allen, and preverts, that’s who.

Don’t nobody got no time for Emily Gordon. More importantly, what’s Emily Gould been up to?

Some Lifehacker life hacks should be questioned and ignored. DO NOT wash your underwear and socks in a crockpot. The convenience and savings in warm water energy costs do not outweigh the leftover musty taste.