Abolish the death penalty.

Well, it’s bound to deter a lot of other innocent murderers.

Beano sales rep.

I will have you know my dog is the Regional Manager of the couch. She takes her work very seriously, thank you.

Be still, Tomato Face.

Say what you want about Penny Lanes politics, at least shes out there doing something.

I feel very much the same way. It’s obvious she loves this country and the people in it, and she genuinely wants to make life (and the country) better. She’s put a lot of thought and effort into her plans. I’d be honestly thrilled with her as our POTUS.

It’s very interesting how I’m as excited for Senator Warren as I was for President Obama. But I’m excited in different ways. It’s very funny because it reflects how I’ve aged. President Obama was the leader I wanted but Senator Warren is proposing policies that would create the country I would be much more excited to…

She’s the most qualified candidate we’ve had, and she’d rock the shit out of being president. She does her homework.

Idgaf at this point. I wanna vote for Hillary again. None of this makes sense again and I’m still all in with that bitch. 

“Nikki Haley comets into Pence’s heart.”

I don’t know what to make of that HRC tweet. But if it’s an indication she’s going to run for President again... I don’t know, man. I might just walk out into the Pacific Ocean and let the sweet embrace of death take me.

You’re just ravin’

YOU’RE a nictitating membrane!

Rabbits don’t wear black and blue dresses, that’s how you can tell it’s a bird.

I see Betsy DeVos is doing amazing work undermining the education system in this country.

It is pretty clearly a bird. Aside from the fact that there is no mouth visible when the hand moves, you can see it blink its nictitating membrane at about 10 seconds in. I am not aware of any breed of rabbit that has a nicitating membrane, but there are plenty of birds who have them. They’re like built in goggles for…

I regret to inform you that we have selected other candidates for the general manager role. The Arby’s corporation takes pride in it’s work and it would be irresponsible for us to hire an individual which *lowers glasses* does not have the meats.

He doesn’t use ice in his beverages anymore because he lost the recipe.