And Trump, not unlike a cowardly dog, has listened obediently.

The perfect place to write the next great American novel? Or the perfect place to film the next season of American Horror Story?

Trump tells NRA, “I’ll give you head.”

Almost 330 million people in the US, and we’re all being held at gunpoint by a measly 5 million nutjobs

By “I’ll give you cover,” he means “Watch me get everyone talking about Greenland instead of guns.”

you’re going to have a harder time getting away with doing nothing over and over.

Bullshit. I do not believe for an instant that Donald “Cocked and Loaded” Trump came up with “I’ll give you cover” during that phone call. I don’t know what the “former senior White House official” quoted in The Atlantic really heard, but there’s no way it was a timely, clever gun pun bon mot.

Here we go. “If you don’t vote for me you are disloyal.” Said every dictator ever.

Please don’t post pornography on Jezebel Dot Com, this is a family site. 

It was perfect. Get the spicy.

It was funny and clever for the first couple of seasons. Then Ross and Rachel finally fucked and it, pretty predictably, degraded into a constant series of melodramas of who was going to end up fucking who that was interspersed with lame sex jokes. Although Joey stayed pretty funny as a character throughout because…

Shut up, tomato.

This really is way below your usual standards. Take a day off, man. Wash your balls and go out and get that lice shampoo you so desperately need.

Whatever kind of peyote washes down best with tomato juice.

To be fair, that's like 25% of Instagram right there

Peyote today?

Meanwhile, in a fetid, unfinished basement cubicle, Stephen Miller looks up from his rat chow for a bare instant and mutters, “Fuckin’ amateurs” as he redrafts his new one-drop immigration policy.

Just a perfectly normal, casual, spontaneous Twitter photo of two normal people walking the fields alone, probably just resting their iPhone on a tree branch that happens to be perfectly situated for this stunning photo. And, oh, look, they captured the sunset at the perfect moment! Yup, just a couple wearing their…

They took the the Mein Kampf test instead.