The poodle didn’t do anything. Leave it alone.

I don’t know if it was so much advice as sheer stupidity, but recently, when I said I wished I’d focused on my career more and on things i liked doing more, rather than getting married in my 20s and 30s, I was told I’d gave regretted not having had a relationship.

“You’re so pretty, but if you lose about 30 pounds you may attract more men”

“You’re going to have to pretend that you’re dumb to catch a man.” From my mom. I would have caught more men, but I wouldn’t have wanted them.

ugh. The most idiotic one that comes to mind is that I would appear desperate if I decorated the door of my condo for Valentines too much.

Went to a family Thanksgiving when I was a teenager; my chest had grown quite a lot in the last year and one of the first things that my aunts and grandmother said was, “Oh thank gawd! Now just lose the belly fat and you can marry rich, because art school isn’t real and you’re not that bright in the head.” The…

When I divorced my husband, both my Grandmother and Mother were baffled...

I do not speak to this person anymore for reasons that are about to be abundantly clear but someone gave me some dating advice.

A ten year old I know overheard me telling his mother (on the phone) that I was considering leaving my job for somewhere with greener dating pastures. He called out, “Has she tried a Jewish dating service?”

That one always strikes me as hilarious. The thing is, if the cat is annoying me I can always lock him in the other half of the house, but if I do that with a kid, DSS shows up.

I married in my early twenties, but my favorite piece of advice was when my uncle saw my messy room as a teenager and told me that no man would want to marry me unless I could show him I could keep a clean house.

I was told more than once that I wasn’t in love because I wanted it too much. And that when I no longer cared, it would happen for me. Which was infuriating, because that’s not at all how it happened for them. But somehow the universe could sense my desire and was cock-blocking me.

“This is the bed you made, you have to lie in it.”

“Don’t make a big deal out of nothing” (in regards to sexual harassment at work) “Just find a rich guy and quit!” (in regards to career advancement) “You have a... few years left before it’s sad” (not being married at 26, told to me by a 65 year old unmarried man)

A couple of years ago at my performance review (which was positive but no promotion), I asked my boss (a late-30s guy) what had helped him to move forward in HIS career. He said having kids. I refrained from screaming, but barely.

“You should have kids! You’d be a great mom! You’re already a great mom to your cats!”

My aunt, upon reading something I posted on facebook, told me to dumb it down a little or I’d never find a man.

Hurry up before you no longer can have kids! (when I was 42)

“The problem with you is you’re too picky. You want a guy who’s always nice to you.”

“Stop being so picky.” “Let the man think he’s smarter.” “You’re really pretty when you dress up, why don’t you wear makeup more often?”

I will say that when you get beyond your prime birthing years, people stop asking and offering “advice.”