James Bond had a foster brother named Oberhauser who’s really Blofeld who was really behind LeChiffre, Vesper Lynd’s betrayal, Quantum, Dominic Green and Silva all to screw with Bond because Blofeld’s dad spent more time with James.

Can I break out a comic book retcon? Retconning that Jean Grey had been replaced by “The Phoenix Force” and had never been Phoenix at all was complete bullshit. It forever undermined the gravity and heartbreak of the Dark Phoenix Saga, which was incredibly groundbreaking for its time.

I’ll see your Midichlorians, and raise you a “Anakin? No, there was no father.”

The Space Jockeys are not aliens who come from the far dark unknown reaches of space, but are actually human beings who are responsible for humans being on Earth in the first place. Also, an android that we created, David, turns out to have created the Xenomorph.

Pluto not being a planet anymore. Fuck that shit.

I have a friend who is a relentless optimist and while I admire her ability to always make the best of a bad situation, I remain of the belief that sometimes things are just shitty and there’s no upside and you’re allowed to feel bad about them because they suck. I have had a chronic disabling illness since I was…

My Stage IV wife really needs to be told that she’s invisible unless she smiles, because otherwise it’s a carefree life of being marginalized, used for photo ops, having to prove that she’ll live long enough to be allowed to have or adopt a child, and having quack remedies pushed on her at every turn. This guy is a…

How the fuck am I supposed to put on mascara?

I used to work at a cancer center and, listen, people are the same people that they always were when they have cancer. In other words, if you’re likely to throw this against the wall when you’re healthy, you’ll throw it against the wall if you’re sick, too. And cancer patients are no more likely to be depressed than…

“Berk Ihan, designer of the Smile Mirror, told CNN that after spending a few weeks at cancer hospitals in Turkey he learned that...”

https://xkcd.com/828/

I thought it was widely recognised that one should not reinforce the role that “positivity” (groan) has on the health of cancer patients.

As a dude with resting bitch face (both my parents are hardened salt-of-the-earth types) and a family full of chronic and life-threatening illnesses, I can say this mirror and go break itself into pieces and crawl right up its inventor’s asshole.

My sister just finished her chemo treatments without cracking a smile once, so I guess she’s a failure.

If I have cancer, I can guarantee I’m going to be a morose angry motherfucker. Why do put this pressure on people going through negative shit to always be positive? Maybe I want to wallow in self pity once in a while. Maybe I save my happy self for my kids and everyone can piss off if they are too uncomfortable…

I’ve started a Kickstarter for a Woke Mirror that peers into your soul and won’t show your reflection unless you’re not thinking of monetizing terrible and condescending ideas. It costs $25,000, pocket change for Silicon Valley, HMU!

Blankets are the glue that holds pillow forts together. Do not disparage blankets.

Things mirrors are super useful for: making sure my braids are even, putting on make-up, checking my teeth for poppyseeds after I eat an everything bagel. Things I smile for: well, none of those.