When reached for comment, Justify blamed a male enhancement product, which is totally believable -- the guy is hung like a horse.

Since my grandfather has passed away let me give what would have been his analysis of the game: "This is the thanks we get for saving their asses in WWI and WWII."

Given Howard’s history of flatulence, there will be a whiff of a problem.

Once you use the term "actionable items", you can no longer be considered a credible member of the hip hop community. You can, however, get a job in middle management.

If Ross wants to do research, tell him to go to any Renaissance festival.

A while back I watched a replay of a game from the 1968 World Series. Besides his incredible talent what struck me was how fast he worked.

My brother and I read Ball Four in the mid-seventies when we were in junior high. Phrases from book became guaranteed laugh lines. Our favorite: Joe Torre with tits.

The Giants are 1-6 and somehow have not yet made the Ass Team of the Week. Perhaps this is a team goal. Each week be a bad team but not the worst team. Admirable.

Big deal. I’m a heterosexual male who hasn’t showered in a week. I too have two straight foul balls.

I am on record saying I do not want to see the pee tape. That said, sign me up for any Merkel/Donald porn that includes her spanking him with a newspaper. I’m sure he’ll do it if his picture is on the front page.

Howard will celebrate his accomplishment by eating 30 Snickers and 30 Kit Kats. Chamberlain’s celebrations typically included 30 blondes and 30 brunettes.

Just wait until you’re 55. I teach math and am the master of the mid-lecture why-don’t-you-work-on-this-problem-while-I-run-down-the-hall technique. I think the students may be on to me.

I used to work in a strip mall and a guy who worked in the next store would occasionally feed the seagulls thusly: Hold up a loaf of white bread still enclosed in its plastic bag with your entire arm extended overhead and the butt end of the loaf in the palm of your hand. Wait until the seagulls perched on the…

Or a poop joke.

Let’s get the movie script written. Christian Bale is a no-brainer to play Shuster. He gets to gain weight for the early scenes, then lose 35 pounds over a weekend to play more recent Shuster. Bale won’t be able resist that challenge.

I will risk sounding creepy and internet-stalkery. Aimee Lutkin is beautiful. And I’m sorry I don’t know how to do the accent mark.

I totally agree. And Jen, if you’re reading this, I’m a 55-year-old college professor, three-time divorcee, slightly overweight regular guy. Let’s meet for coffee and see if we click.

Q: Why aren’t more people from Norway coming to the U. S.?

I also refer to my genitalia as a gun. As in “You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.”

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