What was your EXACT oath? Did it include something like “I promise to come to work even if I am not being paid”? or was it the general uphold and protect the constitution?

and by glass of water you mean a glass of liberal tears right?

I told them this today. You can too if you like:

As a guy I can honestly say that I have NEVER been offended when a lady friend of mine uses the restroom. NEVER. Not before sex not after sex not during dinner not during a movie. NEVER.

Who wouldn’t think that elite athletes who are the best in their sport eat anything but fast food burgers and Pizza....

I would have to say that one of the best things about being a straight, white, cis, male is that I never get unsolicited (or really any kind of) dick pics.

The things I would do to get my wife to send me these kinds of texts. The last one I got from her was: “The dog just threw up in the living room.  You will need to clean it up when you get home.”

My least sexy text was also my most sexy text. I have copied it in its entirety below:

It isn’t racist because all children are required to adhere... /s

Since the code applies to all students, it is not discriminatory in intent or by legal standards.

Ranting is the bad one raving is the good one. So No lie there. I am CERTAIN he didn’t rave about Schumer or Pelosi. I am CERTAIN of this.

Can we also stop asking couples “When are you guys going to have a baby?”

Did you just review.......a review?  Nice!

But he doesn’t take vacations:

I feel like this whole debate would have made a good plotline in the Pawnee vs. Eagleton feud on Parks and Rec.  

As someone who lives about 100 miles south of where that wall would go up....I have nothing of substance to refute it.  

So you can freeze a snickers bar but you wouldn’t say it’s natural state is liquid.

As a former bartender THANK YOU! I don’t want to be a customer’s friend. I don’t want to know his name and I don’t want to be beholden to him for the rest of the night.

I would full on take a vacation day if I could get free hot dogs and burgers while refereeing dodgeball or tug-o-war or something similar.  Sign me up for field day!