Oh word, I didn't realize it was going to totally trash the structure. I guess I'll have to take a look once it's up, but that sounds like a pretty straight downgrade. I really enjoy posting here and I plan to try to continue, but if it's that bad, I guess I'll be heading back to Something Awful for tv talk and so…

You know what's fucked up? The fact that you came up with your own quarter-assed joke, and it was an improvement. Anywhere else on the internet, somebody would have just made a reference to some other joke everyone has already heard, and that's actually worse. Zero effort done honestly will always be funnier than…

There was something truly gorgeous about the age of "we have some homies and a tv and a very limited options." Occasionally you'd get wildly lucky and the guy with the good tapes in his car would pop in, other than that you were picking between basically no options on tv and usually even worse options with the…

Hey, fuck your goodbye. You're a real good poster, you're needed around here. Not only that, but a "Crow's New Hair" that writes long thoughtful things like that isn't the kind of account that's going to be appreciated anywhere else. If you want the av club to keep being good, and I know you do, you've gotta keep…

So, why do we give a shit about this switch over? It's gonna be the same people writing the same articles for the same people to comment on, why am I meant to care?

I learned about monarch butterflies a clean three times, but I think World War II is a strong candidate for second place in things we had taught to us a lot. It was a god awful education, but we definitely hit the "America saved a bunch of Jews and also Europe, you're welcome, hurray for us" points that we like to…

I've never heard of a business spending millions of dollars a month in order to not upset one specific ten year old

That sounds nice, what's the situation you find yourself in where you get daily turtles? Is it easy to join?

Much like how bragging about his victories tends to lean heavily on "he won the election," he's helped us to find exciting new lows

Door hinge?

It's a trap in the same sense that life is a trap. We're stuck here and basically bound to trying to figure out food and shelter. We could abstain from trying to find food and shelter, we could vote republican, but we'd certainly come to regret it, and a third option doesn't really exist

What if you had to fill your ballot in using ink from a unipus' horn, and you had to catch that magic flying democracy squid out of the air using an outsized butterfly net? The answer is who gives a shit. You vote for the person that's going to fuck the smallest possible number of people the most gently. There's…

There's a lot of shit like that, though. I remember spending some formative years in some just oppressively rural towns, and ideas like "hey burning all your garbage may have an adverse effect on the environment" were considered to be very foreign and remarkably faggy. Nothing's really changed for those morons. …

Yep. He's not mad because they're never personally wronged him, end of discussion.

I spent ten bucks on a Something Awful account in 2002 or so. I'm not ever going to see that kind of return on a dollar ever again.

When I was in like third grade my buddy's mom got this let's-play-farm type house with her boyfriend. They had basically the bare minimum amount of everything, a small corn patch, enough chickens that they'd have fresh eggs every morning (god how I miss those breakfasts), a couple ducks for color, and for some…

I've never seen a turtle and not been like "oh fuck yes, I'm seeing a turtle." They inspire joy in me by just hanging around doing turtle stuff, I have no desire to harm one. That's like eating an owl or something, it just feels wrong.

Turtle is one I think I'd have a hard time with. They're such peculiar little creatures and they live so long, I can't see myself enthusiastically tucking in. I'll eat a lot of different animals who strike me as kind of dumb and crappy, but I have a hard time with the smarter and more unique animals. Cow? Wet and…

Seattle is well known for a hot dog that comes with cream cheese, often with grilled onions and jalapenos. Not bad at all

You ever fuck with loco moco? It's a Hawaiian hangover-destroyer that involves a burger patty, gravy, and a fried egg served over white rice. Any Hawaiian joint will make this for you