Only one of the dudes gets mangled? No, only one of the dudes gets possessed. There is not a single character in that movie who doesn't spend a solid chunk of the runtime incurring massively painful injuries. And let's not forget that the dude who does get possessed gets beaten the hell up, like, constantly. By almost…

"Mama mia! I just-a can't stop-a hitting myself in the head with this lead pipe!"

tl;dr version of the article: A man's interest in a woman lasts as long as it takes her to find out I can't get it up.

Once upon a time, there was a band called Killdozer. They were an awesome noise rock band that sang about violent, crazy people. An interviewer once remarked upon the friendly, warm demeanor of the singer, to which the singer replied, "Oh, that's not us, that's the crazy people we sing about."

I just hope that this whole shindig is cool with The Hawk.

Look, here's my deal: I'm totally in favor of taking the, "Hey, dumbass, don't rape people," style of rape prevention, but, and this might just be me being a touch oversensitive, but I always see it in the form of "Hey, all you men, don't rape people," instead of just a gender-neutral message, and it just starts…

I lol'd heartily at the main paragraph.

"Focusing on the word "cunt" is a distraction; for example, the Onion debacle kinda overshadowed how sexist the Oscars were overall. And that's the goal, right? If we're busy being outraged over how "cunt" is the nastiest nasty thing to ever nasty, we'll waste the energy we need to fight against a system that…

Yeah, I learned the word from British TV and film and such, so I just call people I really, really hate cunts, regardless of gender. Honestly, for the longest time, I just thought it was a British thing that never caught on in America, just because I never heard anyone use or talk about the word over here in the…

No, the argument was that she was invoked essentially because she is a talented, successful unknown around whom everyone is rallying (both to make a point about the role of celebrity in our lives and for straight-up shock value), and it wasn't a personal attack as everyone seems to think it was.

THANK YOU.

...Yet

People aren't hand delivered a memo if and when their name comes up in a satirical context. Honestly, there's a fucking huge chance that she's going to see the tweet because of the brouhaha being made over it, whereas she would not have if the tweet had gone unnoticed. This wasn't something that was aimed at her, this…

I am 99 percent sure they were purposefully fucking the facts up as a joke.

Yeah, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I think it just kinda flew over someone's head and then they somehow got assigned the article.

omg ur so edgy and cool plz continue regaling us with your wild and unconventional worldview

For fuck's sake...

Because some of the people on campus are douchebags? I have a feeling that you're going to run into that problem pretty much everywhere.

They "confiscated" her cell phone? You mean they stole like a bunch of gutless fucktards.

Okay, what exactly is an alt comedy room? Isn't one of the entire points of alt comedy that you do it wherever the fuck will book you?