An elephant was walking one day and got a thorn wedged between its toes. Every step it took only drove the thorn in further, until finally the pain was too great and the elephant took a break to marshall his strength in preparation for the next few steps..

I really want a comment about how a burka makes it harder to grab her by the pussy, so he understands why they are so angry and want to attack westerners.

“Because my grammar is absolutely on point!” is a sentence fragment. Therefore, you absolutely are on pcp.

“Because my grammar is absolutely on point!” is a sentence fragment. Therefore, you absolutely are on pcp.

We never found the snake. Our house is so porous that you can feel a breeze coming through the electrical receptacles. It is my assumption that the snake made its way indoors to hunt for rodents*. That’s not even the worst snake surprise. A previous tenant was sitting on the toilet when a black snake slithered its way…

A few months ago, I pulled out the drawer beneath my oven to retrieve a casserole dish and I was greeted by a snake. I closed it and went out for dinner.

Meanwhile all the mechanics in Cuba are restoring 50's Oldsmobiles and Buicks with two hammers and a hamster wheel.

Is it wrong to like the concepts?

Still waiting for my Nigerian Prince to deliver a bag of Bitcoins.

Nope. And the guy looks like he developed a bad... terminal illness.

If this was Jezebel, the title would’ve been “Entitled White Male Harasses Chinese Woman Online, Gets What He Deserves.”

MOGADISHU 2028

Do you guys ever check the reviews for the products you show as being great deals? The second and third most helpful reviews are complaints of massive amounts of rusting.

Do you guys ever check the reviews for the products you show as being great deals? The second and third most helpful…

Can we just stop with this semi-autonomous bullshit? Future of cars driving themselves, great, whatever, fine. But can we please just stand back for a second and say “hey, maybe it isn’t even slightly necessary to allow dipshits to watch Harry Potter while throwing two tons of steel down a public road while pretending…

despite the car’s system requiring you to make contact with the wheel every 30 seconds.

But don’t buy it as your only source in an emergency. Just as a backup.

But don’t buy it as your only source in an emergency. Just as a backup.

Why you looking at me? Trust me bro, my shoes are probably worth more than your fucking wages.

BMW SAYS IT’S OKAY.

I wonder if maybe the campaign thought “press secretary” meant like the 1950s version of a secretary? She’ll take the notes at our meetings and make coffee and stuff?

She is young, pretty and doesn’t challenge the boss.