COVER IS BLOWN! CALL THE HELICOPTER!

WE’RE ON TO YOU 50 CENT

oh, so you DID get my letter.

Twitter, meh. Remember when stars were seksi and mysterious?

She was a pediatrician and had always wanted to actually go on assignment but her (abusive, jerk) surgeon husband would never let her. SO she divorced him, took a hefty part of his money, and turned around and donated it to MSF. She was FUCKING BALLER.

This article made me want to get up from my desk, enroll in medical school, and go there to help.

Ugh I use a molasses/GHB base for my barbecue sauce.

Tomato paste, garlic, pepper, salt, quaaludes, onion, vinegar....

Holla atcha benzos! I’m hoarding my last bottle from an old Rx. Nothing like dissolving one under the tongue in the throes of a sweet, sweet panic attack.

I am not gonna lie, I am mildly jealous (except about the arrest part). I miss having a prescription for Xanax. It makes everything better.

How about “fortnight?”

NO I’M NOT CRYING ABOUT AUBREY PLAZA’S TWEET. YOU’RE CRYING.

my little goober is a corgi/shep mix. Corgis are really, really sweet dogs and have the cutest little bum wiggle.

I’ve worked as a barista!!! We were an independent shop, so we’d always get people asking for the Starbucks slurpee drinks, and we’d be like, “We pour it over ice.” And of course they’d have a fit, because these are the same assholes that go to a bourbon bar and ask for a slushee margarita where the bartenders are…

HE IS SO GRUMPY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Omg I knew you were going to post himmmmmm

okay but like.

My 2-year-old niece is pretty adorable and spunky!