Recline away. That bump you feel in the middle of your back? That’s my knees. No, I don’t plan on moving them. Enjoy.

I guess Trump must be starting his interviews for the new head of FEMA.

Kanye West doesn’t care about black people

It would be the greatest thing ever if he agreed to do it but then improvises and rips Donnie a new one at his own inauguration.

Thank you SO much - since they’re gutting Social Security, Federal prison is my only option for retirement.

I want her to live so she can see her kids suffer in the fucked up world she’s leaving them.

I’m pretty sure she is dead.

“Hold Me Closer, Tiny Hands Sir...”

Counterpoint: There is no cognitive dissonance between A) recognizing that the electoral college is a wholly undemocratic way to choose a president; and B) understanding that the electoral college is how we choose presidents, and therefore trying to work within that system to obtain a not-apocalyptic result.

Until its proven otherwise I am fully convinced that the only reason Trump picked Carson for HUD is because he’s black and it has the word urban in it’s title.

“There is widespread voter fraud. But not perpetrated by Republicans. And not in PA, WI, or MI, so there is no need to do a recount. The recount is unfair to me. But I won, totally legitimately.”

honestly? because it’s a country that treats immigrants terribly. ISIS depends on western nations treating Muslims bad, because that’s how they recruit. Most Muslims would never, but after 10+ years of being spat upon, suddenly ISIS begins to look good. So ISIS preys on nations that treat Muslims bad, in order to spur…

Or they could just go full frontal and say, These cakes are in terrible taste, you’re acting like sexist jerks, and while we’re at it, what is this science legislation you’re trying to shove through that looks like something straight out of Nazi Germany?

Can we just have a round of appreciation here for the Jezebel writers, who have been ON THIS SHIT like nobody’s business? I am filled with love right now.

I haven’t struggled with drug addiction, but a friend of mine came into a large amount of money, and then proceeded to party it all away in a couple of months time, doing way too many drugs. I didn’t see her during that time, and was absolutely shocked when I saw the result. She went from being literally the smartest…

We are in a heroine crisis, aren’t we?

I like bananas. I like peanuts. I have no feelings about lettuce (does anybody have feelings about lettuce?) I really hate mayonnaise. This is a ridiculous recipe.

Is Eric the one who looks like his mother was frightened by Gary Busey while she was pregnant with him?