This reads like it belongs in “Deep Thoughts” by Jack Handey, and I love it.

you can be whatever you choo choo choose to be.

Interesting philosophy...

The sad thing about America is that we’re carpet-bombing and bulldozing the Middle East when we should be doing that to these towns here. I don’t care about their economic depression or anything, these are just horrible people. Fuck Johnstown, PA and fuck these residents.

He got ejected from the game, and has had Andy Dalton as his QB for his entire career, so obviously the NFL looked at those two things and issued a punishment of “time served.”

He aged out of the list. He was on it last year.

The exclusion of Noah Vonleh makes this list butt.

Who knew Saddam was such a big fan of Scatman John?

- The National Anthem before NFL games

He should look into the actual function of a “warmup”.

Are you saying the minnow has been lost?

NASCAR should go to COTA for the road course race in the Chase instead of Frankensteining a roval together in Charlotte.

IndyCar-IMSA doubleheader!

Indycar-Moto GP doubleheader?

Gossage is a first-class bitch. His 1.5 mile oval races are insufferably boring (especially the NASCAR RACES). This is why he doesn’t want competition. If there’s another choice no one would go see the shit racing at TMS. I hope he and his track end up like Texas World Speesway. Race fans would be the winners.

One of these years I hope the sanctioning bodies tell Gossage and SMI to shove it. The track hasn’t produced decent racing in years. They’re clinging to that contract because it’s all they really have left. All that money dumped into promoting the 3 major weekends at TMS, and have had hardly anything in return the…

Capitals and Nationals fans, holy shit that’s brutal.

This is either excellent satire or proof that you don’t know the difference between < and >.