I am a capitalist tool who can have more vacations with or without booze if I got a raise.

No no no. It’s only the free market when it serves their ideology. If it doesn’t, it’s the liberal media pushing that sjw bullshit narrative.

Whenever a dude tries to be sexy with, “tell me what you want baby,” it takes every fiber of being not to respond with, “honestly, whatever takes the least amount of effort for me.”

Flannel nightgowns are the worst. Too hot even on the coldest nights and they generate a shocking amount of static electricity.

To add insult to injury, the revised GOP health plan covers neither insult nor injury.

Ah. Well I hope you enjoy your next round of Cones of Dunshire.

It’s funny, but he’s really making me understand the “irresponsible” choices that people make. What use is health insurance if you can’t afford literally anything that health insurance helps you pay for. If you only have $100 left at the end of the month (a better situation than many poor people are in), breaking…

Keira Knightley and Andrew Lincoln

If he had one of those asphyxiation fetishes, he probably came as he went.

“I rub my face with 120 grit sandpaper to reduce open wounds and bleeding.”

The fact that Blake Lively is more successful than her is the most Serena van der Woodson thing to ever happen

Muslim refugees don’t come anywhere near fucking up my life the way white men do every single day.

It does kind of make you wonder about their parents’ naming process. “Andrea, Julie, eh fuck it name that one Kite.”

Is this doctored? Her hands look 15 inches long. And I have very long hands and fingers, personally, so I don’t ask this with snark. That looks alien.

Please do not assume that I haven’t seen Dial M for Murder. I even saw a restored 3D print once (what a treat). The problem with using it in this post instead of A Perfect Murder is that Ray Milland never says, “THAT’S NOT HAPPINESS TO SEE ME, IS IT.”

I literally only work with executives, and I’ve never known a single one to pick up his kids at 3 pm unless his wife was sick. There is far more talking and meetings in a CEO’s daily life than computer work, but if your CEO is on his/her computer for 50%+ of the time (which seems like legitimate work), the company is…

Lady Altfax

My sister is the type to pull shit like this. She has an amazing, terrifying ability to act completely charming and wonderful until she is in complete control of the car keys, hotel keys, house keys, food, passports, whatever. Then she totally unleashes her worst when the people in her presence can’t get away.…

Salt cured Italian meats and lumps of cream cheese mixed in with scallions and jalapeños, shaped to resemble the ball of a game which is derivative of an old Scandinavian game is a ‘Merican tradition. It highlights exactly why we don’t need any immigration. At all. Did this entire thing by ourselves.