barack kissing babies at kerbey lane at 3:30 am

I generally find nuance to be helpful. When you’re looking at a system, it’s good to know both what it does poorly and what it does well.

“I am not a hostage. Absolutely do not send a SWAT team to 113 S. Trenton Ave. Do not have them bring a large supreme pizza and a 2-liter of Diet Coke. Do not have them barge into this building and smuggle me to a waiting van.”

That $2,700 jacket looks like something you’d buy in a Wal-Mart in Daytona Beach, FL, and mainly bc you didn’t pack the right clothes for Spring Break and it got chilly one night and you don’t want to invest a lot of money in a jacket you’ll never wear again so you figure OK, I’ll be funny and ironic.

I can let you in on the secret. He is not the real Cary Elwes. The real Elwes has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia.

He looks hotter in the before. What can I say? I like a sad, withered shell of a man with a 5 o’clock shadow and up all night eyes.

When I was in high school, an incident that started out as a flirtation with a boy turned into me regularly getting cornered in dark hallways and groped against my will. It was escalating, and I didn’t know how to get it to stop, so I told a teacher. My intentions weren’t to get him in trouble, I just wanted the…

I absolutely respect your vote for Sanders, and agree that he’s a great candidate and that he’d do a very fine job as president. I think you should vote or not vote for anyone you like, including Trump, if that’s truly the way your heart lies.

What brings me comfort when I imagine those debates is knowing all the insults that have been slung at Hillary over the years. What can he possibly say to her that she hasn’t heard a million times before, for decades? Meanwhile, he’s so thin-skinned he has claimed that as president any journalists who criticized him…

There is precicely 0 chance of that Oscar not ending up in an orifice by the end of the week.

First photo looks like she just realized she agreed to sleep with Donald Trump to save America.

They even admitted it. Like literally, openly, directly stated that’s the real reason.

In this case, “deeply flawed” and “highly political” pretty clearly means “anything that accurately reflects a reality I find inconvenient.”

Seriously, 2016 needs to go back and look at the notes from last year’s performance review.

This is the same GOP that wallows in not doing their jobs. Proudly announces they aren’t going to do their jobs. Wants laws put in place so other people don’t have to do their jobs. It was only a matter of time before they started actively punishing people for doing their jobs.

Okay, 2016, I warned you. You are NOT doing better than 2015.

I know of only one way for a feminist to vote: go into the voting booth, select a candidate, squat on the voting machine, and use those strong vaginal muscles to pull that lever.

No no it’s so boring it’s the same thing every day and then you’re wet and you’re cold and your hair is wet and what is it all for??? So you can do it again tomorrow?

I also love that she dared describe this garment as “timeless.”

A disheveled woman in slippers, jeans, and a winter fair isle sweater, JANE, reads these descriptions and despairs. She glances around her home, trudges to the stand of bottles by the window, and, with stunning elegance, opens and swigs from the illegal Cuban rum in one fell swoop. She ponders life in American society…