It just means a small bunch of sticks!! I was just calling you skinny which is a COMPLIMENT! Jeez not gonna try to pay you a compliment again, you natural or artificial slope or wall used to regulate water levels. Can’t say anything nice anymore.

I think it is swell how the folks who support these deportations are also the ones who tell me all of our country’s problems are because of the degradation of the “family” unit. Neat.

Omigod, I hate Ouija boards! My Ouija board story:

When I was a baby, my great-aunt passed away, and my parents were staying in her home the night before the funeral. Apparently I woke in the middle of the night and was fussing (I was a very colicky baby, with severe ear infections. I was in pain for a large part of my babyhood, my parents didn’t get much sleep…

Crazy! Something similar happened once to me when I was about... eight-ish, I think. That’s 4th grade, right? Anyway, we were visiting my little brother’s godparents and I both loved and feared their house. We lived in a pretty non-descript, one story 3/2/2, so this two story, stone faced monolith with what seemed to…

About 4 years ago, my boyfriend and I moved into a duplex just outside the city. The first day I was all alone in the house, I started thinking that I was seeing things out of the corner of my eye. Flashes of lights and shadows. I never ever had that sensation at my old place. It happens from time to time, but not…

Over the past year I started to have these really strange dreams, all involving a pale little boy dressed in dirty, old-timey clothes. At first they’d just be regular dreams where I would notice he’d show up (as in I’d have a flying dream or one where I’d be walking around a store and suddenly there he’d be). As soon…

“He died the night I was born...IN THE SAME HOSPITAL.”

This is a recent one.

It’s the moooost wonderful time of the year! Seriously, I live for this thread. My experience is not nearly as spooky as others’, but here goes anyway:

Béchamel sauce. And profiteroles.

I only achieved mermaid hair because I went from dying/cutting it twice a month for 6 years to just being like, 'I'm too damn lazy for this shit.'

Step 1: Never do push-ups.

Have you ever been in a relationship this long before? I think it's pretty normal to develop temporary feelings for new people - just because they're new - when you've been in a relationship for a while. It probably doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship with your boyfriend.

Seacrest is aging into Van Damme, right? Am I crazy?

My husband and I have, during arguments, yelled at the other versions of, "I hope the next shit you take is unsatisfying! I hope you work really hard, and it's tiny! And I hope you don't realize there's no toilet paper and you don't realize until after so you have to apologize to me so I will bring you another roll!"

I'd put Miley in a corner with a dunce cap...but I'm afraid she'd find a way to turn the dunce cap into a bong.

Fund a female. Not woman. Female. I fund a female cat. We met on Whiskr.

Maybe he was trying to take a dick pic and took a screenshot instead, and then thought "meh, this is basically the same thing."