"Attempted robbery"? Yeah, because those black guys in hoodies… you gotta watch 'em. YEAH I went there. Just like many other non-African Americans who enjoy being entertained by specific wealthy African Americans doin' their thing and gettin' paid for it.

I'm looking forward to those gay weddings totally showing intolerance to Orson Scott Card all over his nice lawn and things.

I don't blame Superman for breaking the sumbitch's neck. He was probably as tired of the 'splosions as I was. This was the loudest movie I have ever seen, louder than the majority of rock concerts, and I am (so far) far from an old cane-shaking geriatric dude. My verdict: the effects were way cool, very "realistic" in…

Happy Belated Birthday, USA! You are the only country where a poor immigrant from the planet Vulcan can become an assistant floor manager for a medium range warp-drive repair facility and get to realize his lifelong dream of messing around with Auto-CAD during work hours between checking Facebook, and then buying a…

Porn version: Lesbianado.

I hear they also hide in your toilet and tickle you when you sit down, and even make embarrassing fart noises that will totally ruin your bridge party.

Almost finished with my humanzee-valanche shelter, got it all reinforced for Cat 5 croctopus-quakes, and suddenly I am just hearing about these sharknados, goddamnit.

And yet, Big Gay Al's contribution to the cartoon gay comfort arena remains tragically underrated. Who will write the thesis that will fill this gaping hole in the cultural manscape of the 90s? Someone, please: fill this hole!

Au contraire, I never meant to imply that I was superior. Just that minstrel shows were, in fact, elaborately crafted torture procedures invented by our alien breeders to harvest our natural fear of crepe and greasepaint. This tradition continues with Cirque de Soleil.

Well, Turkmenistan is better than…. Solomon Islands.

That's a good lookin' Jesus there. I feel like his eyes are undressing me for a ceremonial baptism for two. More myrrh, please!

@Odd Future Wolfgang Pauli: I like your name so much I am going to go back in time and adjust the fine-structure constant to a value that will create a universe where you ROCK!

Any distance is too close. Kind of like with clowns and mimes… same thing.

Hey, who's hazin' who? DROP!

In the marketplace of ideas, it is clearly worth $2 billion to hear Jennifer Lopez attempt to pronounce "Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov".

In a chaotic situation like that, I would be surprised if anyone would immediately notice. Especially since you would have to remain where zombies were killing people en masse without being attacked yourself, and also be attuned to notice an absence of something, which is notoriously hard for anyone to see. We can…

I thought it merited a B minus more than a C plus. I guess that's faint praise, but I enjoyed it. The best parts were the shots of cities burning and everything just going to shit, and they seemed to realize that.

The prequel could be called Rata-1-ille.

Glenn Beck is the unexpected consolation prize for many career missteps.

Lars was like that Chinese guy standing up against the tank. Except the tank was us, and we were it. And we rolled over him, in this version. And now, we don't have a tank, or Napster, or a record industry, or… I hear Lars is doing pretty good, actually.