so they can diagnose me with HYSTERIA?!?

Saw a mermaid once. I saw the woman half sticking out of the water, waving her hands frantically towards me, so I waved back, just to be friendly, I’ve never met a mermaid before, so what do you even say?? Then she disappeared under the water and must have swam back to her mercity. Pretty neat little day at the beach.

hey twitterers, was just robed by asaylants... uhh assalatents... hmm crimenals dressed like cops. just think, was chillin with mcconagauhuay yesterday and now im robed!!!

FIFA

welp time to shut down the local fetal remains wading pool I guess

I’m Irish, so f-you. Plus, 319 is obviously more than 319.

Spiderhorse, Spiderhorse,
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web, any size,
Catches thieves just like flies
Look Out!
Here comes the Spiderhorse.

Is he strong?
Listen bud,
He’s got radioactive blood.
Can he swing from a thread
Take a look overhead
Hey, there
There goes the Spiderhorse.

In the chill of night
At the…

I’m pretty sure that there’s some Law that says “As the number of character/creature creation options increases, the chance the end result looks like a dick increases exponentially.”

I’m all for legalizing, but I have a big problem with the edibles industry. There seems to be very little oversight in terms of packaging and dosage. And that’s a problem for people who are buying it knowing that it’s a cannabis product.

The 84-year-old grandmother of Thai weightlifter Sinphet Kruaithong collapsed while watching on TV as her son won bronze in the 56kg, and later died.

Funny, that’s also how they spell “president”, “prime minister” and “democracy”.

“Those peanuts would go great with the milk I’ve kept in my mouth for the past 5 hours”

Yo momma so fat that she could have survived a trans-pacific mass migration of prehistoric peoples across major Polynesian islands and then passed on her advantageous genes to her descendants, allowing them to further flourish and continue a culture that astonishingly navigated the open oceans without industrial…

Yeah, but have you killed any ladies in it?

I have to admit I’m far more interested in seeing how these Olympics turn out than the last few.

You go to the box. Two minutes by yourself. You feel shame.