Considering I treat most customers with mild disdain, should be quite easy for me.

Ivanka is the current Princess of America. And if I learned one thing from Disney and Nintendo, it’s that every kingdom is required to have a a princess in charge of it.

I mean, that’s been the American way ever since Columbus “discovered” the New World and then an Italian cartographer named Amerigo Vespucci made a map of the place and said “I’m gonna name this here continent after myself, the guy who made a map of it”.

I’m pretty good at telling white men apart, not so much the white women. But that’s more because I’m sexually attracted to men so I have a vested interest in remembering who is who (it would be so embarrassing if I confused Chris Evans with Chris Pine if I were ever to meet one of them!) I am only partially kidding…

Cops are also mad because they will never, ever be as beloved as Firefighters.

Well maybe the lady who gave birth might want to keep them, but the babies were made from the genetic material of other couples who spent thousands of dollars trying to have their own biological child. So yeah, I would imagine the other couples wanted their biological kids as much as the couple that birthed them.

Now I’m just a simple non-artist, but here we have Downey credited as the “artist” and Zupevc credited as “guy what actually made the art”.

Oh, while we’re complaining about things, I want the up arrow AND I want to see a preview of notifications like I used to. Now I just get a red dot meaning I have “notifications”, then I need to click on my avatar to see the number of notifications, then I have to go to a separate dashboard to see a preview of the…

A tip is not a tax.

Let’s just call Independence Day what it really is: Potato Salad Day

FACT: I nearly got run over by a pick-up truck with a giant confederate flag on the back. It was crazy, because I was standing on the sidewalk.

[Comment Redacted] Edit: I just saw this if from 2016. Thanks “related stories” side panel.

Yo Jessica, why does your office have the money to buy 15-20 sandwiches a week but not pay to tip? Also, why are you feeding all your clients? Clients are supposed pay YOU, not the other way around.

Since when has “we have to meet a deadline” ever stopped Trump? The old coot might just shut down the government again.

Pffft, nice. I’ll use that next time I lose a boardgame.

Right, we have a good idea of how many tax-paying, ID-card carrying citizens there are in this country because of, well, taxes and social security. We NEED the census to count all of those who live off the grid.

I’d return that nonsense. Why would you even buy such a thing? Or was it a gift?

My college gives everyone a FirstName.LastName.GraduatioYear@school.edu address that stays with you forever. They even help you link it to an email address of your choosing before graduating.

Red states also have cities, but they like to pretend they don’t know what a city is.

...that this “phenomenon” was a result of mental illness and the “liberal establishment,” which he claimed exacerbates the problem.