"It's like staring into an douchey abyss."

Hobo #1: "You shouldda been there! Lasagna as far as the eye could see!"

"Party 69"

I was introduced to Wilkins in the form of a photo of a put-back dunk he did as a freshman at Georgia. His face was obscured but his forearm was above everyone else's extended hands that were reaching for the rebound. I cut out that photo and taped it to my bedroom wall.

FAIL? Please tell me you're 17 years old.

You were right to say Basketball! Paintball! (which is on CBSSN right now) doesn't have quite the same appeal.

If the girl you treasure is the creative type...buy her your individual birthstones and let her make the choice about the sort of band and inlay that she prefers. That way she's a part of the process that women are normally excluded from.*

My oldest laughs almost to the point of tears when he watches The Family Guy doing the "Surfing Bird" (as do I). A little while back I showed him the Ren and Stimpy "History Eraser Button" thingy. Now he's torn as to which makes him laugh the most.

Instead of saying 'cheese', the guy that snapped the pic said, "Giants D-Line In The Super Bowl".

Foolin' Around Duan:

/not pictured

Cop: "So he blew a kiss as he left? Can you describe what he was wearing?"

"It looks GRRRRREAT!"

This week has been hell. I'm gonna scotch till I can't scotch no more. You guys always make me laugh and thank you for that.

[whispers]

The name of the pitcher on the opposing team was Joe Carter. No wonder the guy lost it.

Against the advice of his lawyer, Sterling has released the following statement:

"Fishy fish oil pills? Carp diem, buddy. If you can't stand the trout, get out of the whale. Snapper. Salmon. Bass. [nods off to sleep]

Phil Esposito's lunch pail was the runner-up for the Conn Smythe in '70.

I like.