Right? All it needs is some green slime and a mopey, teenage Claire Danes.

I don't know who Dustin Lynch is, but I find people who point at me with that insanely enthusiastic expression on their faces absolutely terrifying.

It is what it is. Of course they want clicks, that's how they stay afloat. I don't recall Jezebel taking the "moral high ground" where Dirt Bag (fucking DIRT BAG) is concerned, but whatever. No one is forcing anyone to lurk here pursing their lips and clucking their tongues and derisively sniffing.

DIRT BAG IS A DECONSTRUCTION OF THE DAY'S GOSSIP NEWS

Actually, Jezebel shows a lot of distateful things — IN THE CONTEXT OF DIRT BAG. There's always that possibility of an exception, but I guess this made the cut. Oh well. You're still concern trolling.

DIRT BAG IS A DECONSTRUCTION OF THE DAY'S GOSSIP NEWS

Is who willing to do what? I'm not sure what's unclear here. Two girls reported their rapes back in 2011. The Auckland Police lied in their statement, then tried to backpedal and say they are now investigating the reports that were made 2 years ago, despite the utter lack of interest or investigation at the time.

And now we find out that two girls did complain — 2 years ago. And absolutely nothing happened. Inspector Bruce Scott lied through his teeth.

Right, like it makes so much difference if they just post the link. The level of self-righteousness that people exhibit about these things strikes me as, shall we say, a bit disingenuous. Not Jezebel's doing. In the public domain. The end.

Is it really that difficult to understand what Dirt Bag is? It's not celebrity gossip per se, it's a deconstruction of the celebrity gossip hawked by other sources of media. One can both post about the day's top gossip and also think the original material is invasive and shitty. Sure, they could just ignore it and…

Two girls reported their rapes by this group to Auckland police in 2011. Two girls were "brave enough" and they were ignored anyway. Try again.

Exactly! She's not exactly known for her "natural look" to begin with. It's amazing what you can do with makeup and a trowel.

My grandmother is from London and her whole family still lives in the UK. I get a couple shipments a year of your Smarties, as I have been coveting them my entire life.

It's those little balls of fabric that pop up on clothes. Generally, the better the fabric, the less it pills.

I have a seven year old pair of Nike workout pants that still don't have a pill on them after countless washings and wearings. And they're not even the high-end line.

I'd like to think that Shannon Wilson's incredibly dirty look at her husband in this clip, after he sputters through his "bitches be too fat for our pants" explanation, was due to some level of human decency in her, but if we're being honest, she's probably just pissed at how goddamn ham-fisted he's been throughout…

Yup. It's the no-win situation that rape victims so frequently find themselves in with law enforcement and our justice system that makes this brave/cowardly dichotomy for victims so infuriating and insufferable.

Alrighty.

Yes, how did you ever guess??

I feel you. And I think you're right about Khloe getting a raw deal in how people view her (despite being, by far, the most likable Kardashian). I feel like Kim has probably had a lot of fillers. I'm still not sold on the actual plastic surgery thing. I think that family is just really into fillers and makeup. …