I had a buddy who had no real hometown team (we lived a long way from most NFL teams’ spheres of influence) so he picked not one but TWO teams to follow. He really threw himself into it, to the extent a sports bigamist really can, and did his best to live and die with his teams.

Wow! +1

The NFL’s definition of “the carrot and stick approach”, it seems.

“Linguo IS dead.” *sputter*

This is why Bill Simmons’s joke about the need for a “sports czar” isn’t entirely a joke. If there were ever a case for some kind of federal oversight, this is ... Well it isn’t Exhibit A, it’s more like Exhibit #142,923, but still. Why can’t states and local governments stop themselves from turning out their pockets…

The New York Wets.

Having someone with no glaring issues sounds like a major distraction waiting to happen. Better not take the chance.

Ugh. Why is this so correct? But it is so, so correct.

When asked what being married to Kelly was like, she held up a placard with pictures of an eyeball, a hamburger, and Sam the Bald Eagle from the Muppet Show. She refused to elaborate.

I kinda like this guy now! I didn’t know we even needed a Taylor Swift of boxing.

I like him a lot more than Mike Awesome, I can tell you that.

It’s now the Uncle Drew League!

Bring J. R. Smith into this scene, please. (Or Ty Lawson, I guess, but that seems meaner.)

Something that has bothered me for years: why DO so many European brewers insist on green or clear bottles when everyone knows green and clear glass allow beer to become lightstruck and therefore skunky? Dear god, guys, stop doing this. Fresh Pilsner is lovely. You owe it to civilization to stop its quick spoilage.

Black lives matter.

When I hit the part about Frank Miller I put my phone on the counter, whipped out a skillet and fried an egg on that sucker. Scorching, hilarious, pretty accurate.

Took me twelve steps to get there but I got there. +1

Why did I just know it would be this team that talked themselves into paying Josh Smith money? Looking over that roster, we are either looking at a goddamn monster or a world class train wreck, and maybe both, from night to night. Why can I see this roster eating the Rockets’ lunch and then turning around and getting…

That was eloquent and wonderful and thoroughly correct. Well done.

Glorious. +1