Obviously, you put him in a furry blue dog suit and make him watch every Sixers game.

Jesus. +1

Whatever you think of Chris Bosh - personally, I kinda love him, but opinions vary, where sports are concerned - this is not something to mess around with. All best to him and his.

What's more anonymous than "James White"?

Whiplash is Bobby Knight's favorite movie in YEARS.

Are we SURE Kentucky couldn't take the Sixers? I know, but...are we SURE?

I was a witness when one of my best friends got her boyfriend good and baked, then put him in the chair, gave him the controls and told him to shut up and play this game he'd never tried before, with all the lights out.

What makes it even worse is knowing how much time this kid put into it, all the while absolutely sure it would work. I feel bad for all involved.

(Had to stop my knee jerking, there. Wrong assumption corrected.)

Stupid, I know, but if he had hit 55 off someone's assist, would Kyrie Irving have reached Double Nickels on the Dime?

Trade him to Utah or San Antonio and he'll be an All-Star, by this logic.

He wouldn't happen to be made of straw, would he?

Wasn't Great Lakes the brewery that did a special pub-only run of a beer called "Quitness", specifically meant to leave a bitter aftertaste, after LeBron went to Miami?

Yeah, exactly. I'm a Gen X'er too, and this stuff is just... Well, it's damn barbaric.

It's the brand new Toyota Ecru, obviously.

YES. This, exactly. We know you don't NEED a watch to tell the time. But there are LOTS of times you might not want to pull out your phone.

That's fair. Bust them out every once in a while, and you've got flair. Treat them like adverbs: use them sparingly.

"FASHION, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey."

Wholeheartedly agree. By the way, tie bar, but never tie chain or tack. Chains are really outdated and tacks wreck ties.

Torpedo is aptly named. I once made the mistake of downing a whole six of it because I was (a) in a bad mood, (b) playing a distracting video game, and (c) not looking at the all-important alcohol by volume number.