their hair is sexy and they don’t shave every day, and maybe they drink vodka or red wine instead of Miller Light, and they care about dressing stylishly...

Yesterday, one pulled up behind me with brass knuckles where the Ford logo should be and I knew we’d hit Peak Sorry About Your Penis....

At least songs like She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy, Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy and even Red Solo Cup are in on the joke. The very earnest songs about small towns and country roads are the ones that drive me crazy.

They’re never owned by men over 6ft. That’s all I’ll say.

A quote from the ‘My Truck Is Stuck’ children’s book. Somehow it is funny when paired with this article.

I don’t mind when I happen to see one with actual mud all over it, indicating that it’s being used how God intended, but these big shiny ones that obviously never leave the pavement make me laugh every time.

Norma Bates (Vera Farmiga) is but a stuffed corpse

They all wanna either fuck in their trucks or fuck their trucks, it’s difficult to be sure sometimes.

OOOOH I knew she was going to be on the show I didn’t know she was playing Marion Crane! LOVE IT!

This is just a little bit too accurate. You pretty much tell how much I’ll like a country song based on how many bodies are in it.

It seems as if female sung songs across all genres are increasingly about how women want to get away from men. Which bums me out as a man.

THIS.

Me.

I don’t know what vexes me more...the gender politics of these songs, or the way their singers assume this phony working class guise singing about pickup trucks and Georgia mud when you know they all split time between their gated McMansions in Nashville, and their penthouses in LA. They’re the music industry’s…

Aren’t most modern country singers from suburbs and cities? Why would they need a truck? Dude, if your truck isn’t a stick shift, the girls know you are a poseur.

This is the only thing I want to talk about today. The Truck Fucking urge is starting to percolate into all facets of society. Have you ever had sex in a truck? Let me tell you, it’s one of the least sexy vehicle options. We all know it only ranks slightly higher than a mini-van.

The AVN Awards is a gathering of professionals who take pride in what they do and have every right to do so. Shaming porn stars, sex workers — anyone in the sex industry for that matter — is wrong and has no place here. And we can discuss Melania Trump without slut-shaming her; that is never appropriate. Thanks.

First result on Ann Wright. Cool.

Fuck yeah, she’s badass. This lady is my shero.