Dolly is a national treasure.

you know... you take the good. you take the bad.

I... did not think of that.

I used to think Ted Cruz had the most punchable face. Then it was Scott Walker. Now it might be this guy.

I still vote for the pastor dude. He’s fucking annoying as shit.

They’re not pro-life. They are anti-choice.

Not to mention that the officer who was killed was himself a devout Christian who was not in favor of abortion, but he did his job and gave his life trying to protect the people in that clinic, because that’s part of being a fucking professional.

Carly will only pretend to give a shit if it polls well. Honestly, it’s in the GOP’s best interest not to support Planned Parenthood. Their entire platform is appealing to angry white men by being anti-gay, anti-black, anti-woman, anti-foreigners.

“No. Do you make crackers Brian?”

You need to learn to not hold in your feelings.

Sandwich, bah. I have already celebrated the most important day of the year: Pie For Breakfast Day.

not to mention celery, which is one of the world’s worst vegetables

If I wanted to see the world through the eyes of a giant ballsack, I’d stick a Go-pro somewhere underneath Donald Trump’s toupee.

Two and a half years ago on Alec Baldwin’s podcast she said:

That photograph creeps me out. She looks twelve years old.

Don’t insult walruses!

I was thinking he looks more like an upset walrus.

I used to be very, very anti-Rihanna. But her complete and utter lack of fucks has made me a fan. I’d like to hang out with her. Have some drinks. Maybe karaoke.

Meth, Nelly? METH?!?!?! Weed’s like nbd, but meth will destroy your body and your life.