It’s not really a big deal that 1500 people stayed after the game. They had to wait for their dad to shower, meet with the media and impregnate his wife before they could go home.

Day says the good news is that Ellie is fine. But she can no longer enjoys listening to Dave Matthews Band.

Do black people serve jive turkeys during the holiday season?

My SUPER Italian grandfather used to always yell at me for not calling sauce “gravy.” I got the last laugh, though—he had a heart attack and died in his sleep.

Well of COURSE he’d want to get out of a city where the cops just up and shoot black dudes for no reason!

I want to make a joke here, but this is getting to be just plain pathetic. It’s like watching someone stress and obsess over a girl/guy who’s clearly not into them and isn’t good for them anyhow. I kinda want to take St. Louis out to get drunk and tell it “THAT ASSHOLE IS NO GOOD FOR YOU, DAMMIT”....

Ohh now, I see the bullet points.

This is a good step forward, but how are they going to install safety netting in the Dodgers parking lot?

Sage Northcutt sounds like a brand of bacon or chewing tobacco.

This joke is so subtle - I hope more folks can catch ‘er in the wry

Baker was so unaware of the alleged Chapman incident that he wrapped up his press conference by announcing that if no one had any more questions, he would be leaving in order to make it on time to tonight’s John Lennon concert.

Still shot of the incident as it occurred:

Or you could practice being better at soccer so people dont embarrass you so much.

I wonder how many players in 2035 will be named Barkevious.

FUN FACT: Due to religious-based dietary restrictrions, none of these athletes can eat Donald Trump.

For the story, yes! For me, nope!

What would be the running time of a comprehensive video of every Browns screwup?

It must suck to hate every single Gawker article but have the severe OCD that forces you to read them all anyway...

The point, informative. Like how it informed me that they had a law that forbade black people from living in their state. I had no idea, I know I can not be the only one.