Now that I see it in action, I’m on board with Trump building a wall to separate the rest of us from the Browns.

I hate it when kids leave rape kits on my porch.

There isn't a better beard around the Seahawks than Ragnar's. Well, except for Ciara.

Verdict: the Pope is not catholic.

I just walked 34 feet down the hallway at work, untouched. I think I can play RB for the Eagles.

Turn it over, put some aluminum foil on it, it'll do if you run out of plates.

This is what’s wrong with America right here. This. Not Bristol Palin herself, but what she represents — the fact that so many stunningly, proudly pig-ignorant, determinedly undereducated, information-resistant people think they know enough about anything to tell others how they should think and behave.

Yes, Bristol, you’re absolutely right. The police who dragged a 14-year-old out of school in handcuffs for building a science project and subjected him to hours of racist interrogation without allowing him access to a lawyer or his parents are the real victims here. The police and white people everywhere. Can’t put…

Michelin Star dining 101: Chef’s tasting menus are for hipsters, you know what you want and how you want it better than some tattooed culinary school hero.

Boy, is he red-faced.

So a group of people dominated an area for many years until outsiders moved in, took over everything, and routinely massacred the original inhabitants. Interesting.

If enough of us like this comment, it comes true. It comes true, people.

USADA: We’re going to allow this. Any objections?
Pacquiao: [can’t raise hand]

Sure — but what would you get? A quantity of Bibles, all of which fall open to the Song of Solomon (the only book that showed signs of having been read — and re-read, and re-read...); maybe a dusty, half-broken-down old Dell Dimension, half-full of porn thumbnails from 1999; and some dowdy clothing. Not really…

It’s the eye of the martyr
It’s the thrill of the Right
Rising up to the challenge of our (Supreme Court) trial
And the last known dissenter
Thinks Jesus supports her plight
And she’s watching us all with the eyeeeeeeeeeee ... of the martyr

@BillSimmons