I feel like a person who slaps a dead raccoon on a McDonalds table is the EXACT type of person that needs to be detained. 

I drink your gunpowder milkshake!  I drink it up!  Sluuuuurrrrrr-KABOOM!

It turned that Audi into an Innie. And the driver into an Ouchie.

I just finished reading that and what a fantastic read it is. It is stuff like that, that the people who are so against NHL teams being in southern markets need to read and realize. There is a far bigger plan and a long term reasoning to the teams being where they are.

MILF on a Shilf? 

Can’t believe you guys went a full Jalopspin without a mention of Chef Boyardee pizza.

Especially if you get a big enough dose, which it sounds like some people did. I’m a stoner and overmedicating is seriously so unpleasant. No one who overdoes it like that has a good time, and to have it happen unknowingly? That adds a whole element of “I’ve never felt like this, I think I might die” that no one needs…

Christ, stoners are fucking insufferable.

True story: went to a small high school in northern New England (like 60 kids per class). We had an English exchange student join us for his senior year, and he was, as you might imagine, instantly the best player on our soccer team. EVERY single game he’d get a yellow card for swearing. One game he got double…

Decades of practice. It gets easier after the first couple of times you benefit from it.

No, I know that. It’s still 80 in December, and they’ll still be slaveholders and fundamentalist teatotalers that month, too.

Trust me, I would love that option. But nature has blessed me with a physique that makes me what one manger referred to as a “scary looking dude”.

I beg to differ. It’s fucking gross to witness.

“It says no Sams. We can have one.”

How about the freaking elevators in a medical tower? Yesterday a group of kids were holding ALL of the elevators on one floor and thought it was funny.

Thats right Sam, many of us want places where we don’t have to deal with someone elses kids. Its not just this bar. We’d also like you to refrain from bringing Sam Jr to:

Your tips don’t make any difference to the annoyed clientele.

Well, well... mummy and dada want their favorite beers at the gastropub and they want to bring their squirming sack of germs and bodily fluids with them. By God, this is AMERICA and they have every right to drive home drunk with that infant after tormenting good citizens of the big city who, inexplicably, don’t love…

You are indeed overreacting, Sam. You can tell because you had to include this part:

*Small violin plays for man who chose not to use a condom*