“Hold it together Dan. Nobody knows you’re tripping balls. Just a little while longer. How long has it been? 20 minutes!? Fuck! Hold it together Dan."

I always pegged Barbarino to be more into urology. Or proctology...

American Crime Story Season 2: Where In The Hell Is Beeks

Radio? Luxury! I could only DREAM of a radio. Instead, all I got at my hole in the ground were heavily delayed telegraphic dispatches summarizing the radio banter!

You had me at “Duke guard Grayson Allen”

It’s about time Wisconsin produced an NFL caliber running back.

Well, I was never much for your book learning, but you want to talk conspiracy? I’m in Virginia, it’s @40 degrees, there’s still snow all over the ground, and I just had to bring one of my size 13 shithammers down on a fat, black wasp that was walking around my goddamn kitchen. Sent him straight to hell. He even did…

I sincerely loved Clifford when I was a kid. And now I have that song in my head. Aside from his role in Inherent Vice, it’s probably the best thing Martin Short has ever done.

Thank god it was a one-and-one...

I’m making a baked ziti tonight for my neighbor: THE GUY WHO LOVES HIS MOTHERFUCKING SNOWBLOWER. He’s a beautiful maniac with the thing, and I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t have to cook for two goddamned days.

Unsurpisingly, Whiteside already has all three of them blocked.

[goes to NBA online store]

Curry’s rank is boosted by strong numbers in India.

HE’S AS SLEEK AS A FACKIN’ PAWPISS!!

What was your best plagiarism moment? Mine was ‘84, 8th grade Honors English. We had to write a poem, and I couldn’t be bothered to try. So I just lifted the first verse of Iron Maiden’s “The Trooper” and jammed it right in the middle of my shitpile of pubescent idiocy. The whole fucking thing backfired on me though,…

He was just there so he would get fined.